Abstraction.

I tend to think very abstractly. I don't find any fault in that, but I do have one qualm. I can never immediately be a logical thinking individual. It just doesn't quite compute within me to think through something with logic. I think I feel like this because a big part of me believes that logic takes away critical emotion that I believe is necessary in order to rationally make a decision. Logic is about taking already programmed steps in order to come to a decision. Being emotionally connected to that decision is then forgotten. The problems then arise. In that decision where emotion is left of the wayside, someone could get hurt, and the decision maker forgets his/her responsibility in the process making them ignorant when the hurt party comes forward...

This is where human nature has increasingly been failing. We forget that with our decision comes responsibility over that decision. Then when everything happens, and we are "exposed" as the "guilty" party, we deny that we ever had any involvement when really we were the sole decider in the matter. Then, as more and more people begin to point out the guilty party who made the decision, they get extremely defensive and in most cases find an excuse to run away and find a new group of association. This group of association is easily manipulated because the guilty party can be overtly deceiving in the way they talk to gain the trust of the new association...

The plot thickens from there too. Now the guilty party is caught in a full-fledged lie. They must keep lying from that point on because if one inconsistency in their story arises, they will have been exposed. Had they just been honest about the first situation, they would not be in this one. Chances are they even would have been forgiven and life would have moved on and the relationship would have been maintained and maintained well...

What happens if they get caught in their lie? What happens when that inconsistency is revealed? Not only did they lose their first group of association, they now lose their new group of association and there is very little they can do to get that back because of the circumstance that it was lost. Trust is very key, especially in a new group or relationship. If trust isn't established quickly it becomes harder to earn...

Now, if you throw in honest emotion from all sides, the conversation tends to open up, and people tend to become honest in their actions. People express instead of repress and that leads to reconciliation. Reconciliation leads to reconnection. Reconnection then leads to re-establishment of the lost relationship.

Anyways, back to being logical. While it's good on a math page, and great in the decision making process, it's absolutely critical not to forget the emotion... Without it, the logic, well it can't be completely logical.

The Fire...

I am so on fire. I just got back from one of the most inspirational talks of my entire life. Bradley Duncan. That man knows how to shoot fire straight into my bones and deeply within my heart. It's so childish to say this... but he is so cool! He's got it all going on. He's absolutely wonderful. His message is powerful. Most importantly, his dream is real, alive, and well. He's a multi-multi millionaire giving me his two cents on how he got there, yet, he wasn't paid a dime to show up. He chose fully to share his fire with us, on his own time. I am inspired. I am on fire. It will be the most amazing two days next weekend. Spending it with dreamers from all walks of life who are dreaming their dreams like I'm dreaming mine. With passion and with fervor...

Passion. Fervor.

Capturing Revelation.

Yes, capturing revelation. I believe it's one-hundred percent possible to attain revelation through prayer and patience combined. Answers, like most things don't necessarily present themselves like a rainbow in the sky. You don't know when it's coming, what your reaction will be, or how to achieve ideally the result you desire. A rainbow needs a very specific set of events to occur. You need rain, you need sun, you need the rain to fall, you need the sun to shine, both at the same time, but most importantly you need to be looking in the right direction. Whereas an answer can come in any form, at any time, in any place, it can even be covered with another face.

I don't know but lately I've been seeking far more answers than I'm getting and I think there's definite reason for that. I haven't been seeking the Lord's favor like I should be. I've been slipping in ways that I thought were far behind me. I've been tragically informed by the masses of people around me that I'm not as put-together as I thought I was.

I'm a girl with desires and dreams and I've been failing to make them reality. I've not been trusting God with the few things in my life that I constantly see myself failing in. I yearn for consistency. I yearn to be understood. I yearn for people to understand me, and where I've come from. I year for deep love that can't be mistaken. I yearn for revelation. I'm just yearning for answers to my questions.

I can't do that without going to the altar. I know what I need to do. I need to run too the altar and beg in His name that I will be redeemed of my selfishness and my pride. I have one desire and He knows exactly what it is. Now I pray that I stop obsessing over it. I pray that he helps me to achieve this wonderful thing. I have such a strong feeling that this could be the real deal. I just wish that the other side knew and felt the same way. Perhaps with proper discipline and obedience, I may acquire the dream. I have to reach for it. I don't think I would have held onto it for so long if I didn't think that something could come from it.

Love is a loaded gun and my trigger finger lingers.

I've been listening to those lyrics lately and they are actually starting to hit home.

"Love is a loaded gun and my trigger finger lingers."

I'm deeply involved with love by my faith, but I'm not experiencing in full the Love I should be.

It goes on to say these words which tear at my core. "Kind words, just a bullet in a chamber. Big talk but nothing's ever changing. Take aim, but never making my mark. Love can change a world but it's gotta start with my heart."...

Needless to say I feel slightly convicted because I don't think I've done a very good job... showing the love that I know that I have in my heart. In general I believe I'm doing well. In general I believe that I am making sure that I don't lose myself through it all. But I have so much that I could show this world within my love through my love and with my love. It is extraordinarily possible that I have the ability to go ahead and do it. You know, transform my life by transforming other people's lives.

This song speaks from a very real place in my life and well as the singer, Chris Sligh, and I think it should be played in churches everywhere. To remind us, that we are the love that the world so desperately thirsts for. Boy are we thirsty. Each day I look at the news, and I see the world and it's current state and I get nervous. I get nervous that the undercover movement I see within the church won't ever take the blanket of security off and actually make a transformation in the lives around them. Including myself. I feel like I've been seeking shelter underneath this security blanket called the church for years. I need to go out there and proclaim my faith. Deeply, devoutly, disciplined, and full of desire. I finally feel secure in my faith enough that I should have been speaking his name fluently for years now, but I still sit still. Deeply still. Underneath the thinking that I haven't been gifted in that way. I am though. I know I am. I can do this. I just, I almost get scared. Almost, but honestly, I haven't any excuse to be this scared. I have it. I know I do. I know the words because I believe them.

Chris Sligh, you have my heart hurting and my head turning. Thank you for providing the musical intercession I needed. I definitely needed it. I pray that this conviction only grows and my heart continues to pound in my chest. It's a wonderful feeling that can't be replaced with anything. Love. Love. Love. LOVE.

Judging by the shoes you wear...

So, not that I am superficial or anything remotely near it, but those shoes you wear...

They're something special. They elate me. They come as close to turning me on as I would imagine it feeling. I don't doubt I've felt sexual energy at all, I just haven't actually been so "on" that I needed someone there and now. Your shoes are delicious. They're made from the finest materials and the detailing of a true poet...

Yes, I judge people by the shoes they wear sometimes. When it happens however it's mostly guys shoes I judge. If they're old and well taken care of, they are typically sentimental. If they're new and abused, chances are they liven an extremely care-free life and maybe even come across as egotistical because of that. If they're anywhere in between, they potentially have achieved a proper balance, perhaps even in all aspects of life. If they run a sport shoe, well, I betcha they're a sporty individual.

Anyways, back to you and your shoes. They are just downright sexy. Especially paired with that sexy (oh gosh yes) pair of jeans and that washed one-time-too-many faded tee shirt. You look absolutely fantastic. The more I look, the more I like, and the more I want. Especially when you talk. Especially the way you walk. Everything about you. God, dear God you are absolutely beautiful. Perfect, perhaps.

You take good care of your shoes, so I wonder boy, yeah, you, could you take good care of me too? I doubt you would ever want to, but the thought is extremely rooted in my mind. Somewhere between him and him, the thought of you excites me, thrills me, because you're something new, something great, something true.

We're on the verge of something wonderful. I just wish you'd march in those shoes over here and tell me that too.

Absolutely

God is full of absolutes. This is monumental in my faith today. This entry won't be very long, or very "deeply" written but it is monumental. He is always absolute. In His walk, in His way, in His truth, in His light. He IS absolute...

I can't comprehend how it happens, but God really works at my heart as I sit alone amongst a group of people. I sit here in the Starbucks location that I so frequently visit and I am compelled by the faith that I live in, to achieve bigger, to dream larger, to believe stronger. I don't know how or why, but it is the way it is because that's the way God intended for me to receive it. The people talk around me, and I could actively be a part of the conversation, but I have been told that I am not to interject right now. I am supposed to absorb...

It's just drifted to the Lord's salvation and I am deeply processing. It's time for me to jump back in. It's time for me to inherit the lesson I'm supposed to learn. I thank God for the new people in my life in this moment. I thank him for the ones who have been there. I thank HIM for giving me the life I lead....

Ephesians 6:18

Reconnection, define.

Running into my high school friends evoked so much of my past into my present. I am so glad I'm not in my former being. I'm so glad I've done some real growth. I love my old friends dearly, but I'm partially thankful that I'm not them. They inspire my songs of praise to this day, because I know without my interaction with them that I would not be the person that I am today.

The Lord is my Rock, He is my firm foundation, with Him I will never be shaken...

He has helped me build a fortress since high school that I will never ever come close to replacing. I have grown so much. I am so proud of myself in this moment.

Hey Lord! Reign Down Please!?

I love the Lord and I love when He rains and I love that He reigns. He is raining blessing upon blessing and opportunity upon opportunity on me lately. I am amazed by His love each and every day. I question it, yet, I accept it as the truth it is.

Anyways, I was driving in the beautiful sunlight today when a powerful thought on humanity hit me...

We're scared of the rain. We're scared to be blessed and fulfilled. We're scared that the reigning King may actually love us beyond the earth and into the heavens. We're scared that he actually places upon us a unique heartbeat. One distinctly attached to His. We're scared to know that the perfect stranger gave His only Son's life for our sin. We're scared to accept it...

As I thought about it deeper, I realized why I have to come back and continually re-evaluate. It's because I've been too blessed in life. Honestly, realistically, truly. It amazes me that there's someone who loves me more than the parents He gave me. It amazes me that He is my Father in Heaven who never stops loving me even in my darkest, most secret lies and sin. It's monumental. It's phenomenal. It's revelation...

I try to write in such a way that I can go back and really remember and recall and recount what I was thinking. That said, I try to write about His love and I can't. Too many paragraphs lace themselves together loosely, and the thing is, they're all valid, real, and raw, but there's just too much to absorb. Perhaps one day, I'll let the whole thing come out onto the paper. All those paragraphs, all those interwoven details so specific to me that I fall to my knees in passionate agony at His altar.

I say passionate agony because that's what it is. It's passionate, but it's agony. I love the Lord with all my heart. Yet, to know that I'm constantly falling short in front of Him hurts me, it pains me, it saddens me. It's passionate because I go earnestly to the Cross in those times. I should always be going to the Cross, we should always be going to the Cross...

Back to original thought, His love is reigning, and we're beginning to see real change on the earth. Granted, we hear about the negative, but I believe that we hear this because Satan's getting nervous. I'll go into that thought another day but for now I'll leave this parting thought.

Who deserves to be rained on? You, me, and everybody in between. Who does the reigning? The holy One in Heaven. Go ahead, carry yourself to the table, and accept His love. I'm still working on it.

Into Marvelous Light I'm Running.

"Into marvelous light I'm running, out of darkness out of shame..."

Charlie Hall lyrics. Cliche`, but really great nonetheless. I have to remember that. Always and forever. Where ever I'm going there needs to be light. Not a shadow around. A shadow is just a cool place to rest, but if one gets too comfortable with it, things implode. Laziness grips the soul, procrastination rules the mind, lackluster glances to the future take shape, senseless desires form themselves in sight. Remember resting is okay, but taking sanctuary in a shadow can never lead to true happiness...

That said, run and run hard. Run and run fast. Run diligently. Run dutifully. Run with desire to win the battle. Run with confidence toward your prize. Never let the light revolve around sadness...

That said a proper process of mourning can occur and is healthy. Extremely healthy in fact. Don't be afraid to cry. Don't be afraid to let people see what makes you vulnerable. Because in that vulnerability, you yourself proceed to gain strength.

I've been reading quite a bit about emotion lately and I'm surprised as to what I am reading. It's not so much changing how I view my relationship with Jesus, but it's cementing it. It's solidifying that I can show my emotion and not be pinned as a weak link. In fact, because I show it, I'm set apart. I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I wrote about that fellowship a while ago. Yet it rings true still to this day...

Yesterday was the Fourth of July. Today is the Fifth of July. Happy Fifth of July! Let freedom of emotion ring within!

Storm Surge

When one asks to be transformed there is a certain set of things that happens. Some of it is decidedly great, some of it, well decidedly not so great. The main thing that happens is what I call a "storm surge." A storm surge is just what is sounds like. Except instead of in the weather realm this takes place within the mind, soul, and spirit.

These challenges, no matter where they come from have been ordained by God. That said, when one asks and prays for transformation, full permission has been given to be shaken. This moment, this very time is where people get angry with God. That moment being the moment that God shows up to meet the desire for change...

That said, God gives us many tools to overcome the storms that surround us. The proof is in Ephesians. More specifically Ephesians 6:10-18. Paul lists the individual pieces of armor that we have in our immediate use. The belt of truth, feet that quickly spread the Good News, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit.

Individually those tools may not do very much, but together it sets the stage for a powerful showdown with the enemy. With these tools any storm can be overcome and weathered. The beauty of overcoming is the strength that lies within one after the battle. They walk straighter, they sing more thankfully, they pray continuously, and they love much more abundantly.

So, in that respect, if one prays and asks for transformation, be prepared to be shaken. Not just a slight tremble, but an earth-shattering, glass-breaking, heart-pounding, adrenaline-spiking collapse deep in the soul and high in the spirit. Also prepare for something breathtakingly beautiful on the other side of the storm surge. There probably was some damage during the storm, and it may still be very rough around the edges, but it's going to be the most amazing change on could ever dream of.

He is the reason, the cause, the effect, and the transformation.

Tired of ordinary...

As I think in depth about the way my life is, I can't help but to be extremely thankful and extremely blessed. That said, my life has become some sort of routine. Mind you, it isn't bad routine, it's just routine. I want something to come along to shake that routine to it's core. Not necessarily get rid of it, but shake it. I wanna feel the power of transformation and the power of revolution again. It's been forever since I know I've tasted that.

I want to remember why I'm living and breathing. I want to remember that each time my heart beats that there's a reason for it. I just want to remember. I just want to recall. I just want to recount what the Lord has done for me at all times. This routine that I'm in doesn't help it.

Also, there's a verse that has been shaking me lately. Luke 5:11. I can't wait to detail it.

Also, there's this song called "Come to the Mountain" by Mark Harris. It's absolutely humbling. The mountain is where we're made whole. Always remember that.

This is an entrance into a thirty-one day challenge.

I'm going to try and put up thirty-one entries this month. That equates to being one per day. I know it's achievable, I know I can do it. Yet, I put an intense challenge up on it. The entries have to be below surface level problems. They have to make me think. I'm not concerned. Yet, it's going to be interesting what God throws at me.

I absolutely adore my life right now. I am so blessed. So, beginning today, I embark on the next chapter of this life.

Piano melodies take me deeper...

There's something about the way a piano sounds. Especially if it is just the piano and maybe the occasional drum pattern or synthesized effect over it. It haunts the souls deepest memories, brings forth new hope, creates new dreams, sells us a picture with nothing but our imaginations. It's awe-inspiring. It competes within my heart as the best genre of music out there. Partially because it still needs people who play with actual skill and actual passion and partially because it is raw. Raw emotionally, and raw effectually...

Today's sunset was something spectacular at my house. Due to the towering trees around my house I only see the portion of the sky that has been made clear by the cutting of the trees to make way for my house. I watched the sky turn beautiful, wonderful shades. Corals, yellows, golds, crimsons, pinks, and velvety blues. It never ever ceases to amaze me just how wonderful these painting from God are. I try to find new words to wrap around the beauty that I see, yet when I seek new words, I realized that my vocabulary is a bit more extensive than I could begin to search through. It's definitely a blessing. My strengths are rooted in language. I communicate well via all methods of communication. That is fine, I just like to know that I communicate well...

My love of language comes from my faith in my God and my Savior. I have spent so much time trying to listen to the little voices that they whisper for me and me alone to hear. I don't want to let them down. I want to be able to communicate what I have just come to know through the quiet echoes that cascade upon my soul. It's refreshing, it's inspiring, it's invigorating to know that these whispers and echoes are mine and mine alone to hear and interpret.

Back to my original line of thought, the piano. In many ways it is much like interpreting the small voices and the echoes all around. You can see the story form in your head. You can feel the emotion coursing through your veins. You can create your own choreography to what you hear. You can use the choreography that it came with. Ultimately, that decision is up to the ear that is receiving the melody...

What kind of melody would your heart really sing if it were to come to the altar at this very moment? What kind of melody do you want it to be? Do you want cascading crescendos and decrescendos laced intricately into the fabric of the song? Do you want it to whisper just above breath so that it may remain near to you? Do you want it to be loud and heavy so that it gets noticed? You make that choice, and you let that song come from your heart. Let it pour out like rain. Let it soak up into your soul and guide you. Let your mind receive it and begin to adapt to the way your heart really feels. Then, keep it, or release it. It's your choice, but know that your melody may be the one to change someone else deep within their core.

My real-life brother is my real-life inspiration.

As I'm sitting here, in a much cooler atmosphere than I was in just an hour ago I reflect on the beauty of a great brother/sister relationship.

He showed up. He not only showed up, he excelled in the way he interacted with those he had met. I always knew that my brother loved me but this confirmed that he really and truly loves me. With depth. Not just a surface love, a real love...

I am so thankful for that. I can't wait to see his destiny fulfilled. He's going to do amazing things, his wife will be incredible, his family will rock, and he's going to be an amazing comrade in this life. As he's gaining his adult attitude, I see the most awesome little brother in the making. I am so thankful I get to share everyday memory with him. I am so blessed by his presence.

I would not be the person who I am today if it wasn't for our interaction. We get along extremely well. We have the most entertaining conversations. I love my little brother. I really really do.

I know I write about him sometimes, but I don't think I've ever come into that kind of detail about him. Ever. I am generally and wholly blessed by him each and every day.

Daniel David Porter, that name, that person, he is everything.

Tiesto

As I'm sitting here, I'm listening to one of the most amazing musical artists ever to come and whisper their melody into my core. You guessed it. It's Tiesto. You would not believe the way I feel right now. I'm calm, yet within my soul, I just wanna rock out all night long...

Anyways, a few entries ago I talked about structure again. I've finally been able to put a few brief thoughts together based upon my thinking. Structure, to me has become absolutely necessary. It's not guidance, but it's rule setting. People often get guidance and rules mixed up when they're entirely different concepts. Rules are structure, guidance is optional. You don't have to accept guidance, but you must follow the rules. I need more rules in my life. I need that rigid structure. I need discipline. I've been floating around this world with no care for too long. I have the proper guidance in my life, that I'm one hundred percent sure of. Now I need to have my real structure take place...

There's something that I decided that I wanted yesterday. Someone told me it would never happen. You want to know the truth? I think it's going to. Regardless of the fact that someone told me it never would. You want to know why? Because when the word never is thrown around casually it's like opening up the gates of heaven. I've said "never" many times and "never" has ever happened in any of those situations. It's like a challenge straight from our heart to God. I believe that there's a deeper reason as to why things are the way that they are right now. I mean God does not just randomly throw ingredients together and hope they make something beautiful, much like this is. He's totally creating something wonderful and while I might have to wait awhile, I know that there's something deeper than just surface. I've made the decision. I want this. I want it more than anything...

I won't stop being obedient. I won't stop being a disciple. I earnestly am before the Lord right now begging for a change of heart. Begging for acceptance.

A Flash in the Pan

So, originally this entry had been very angry in direction, but I see the error of my way. Anger solves nothing. And in fact, the night worked out perfectly...

Yet, the question still remains...

Am I just a flash in the pan? Is there something more to this that just hasn't been unveiled?

There was a weird tension between us today. Maybe it was the glitter in his eyes or the fact that for the first time I stepped onto what would be deemed "his territory." Our energies seemed to flawlessly combine. Yet there was tension...

I'm no longer angry, in fact, I'm seeking. He is a brilliant person that I'm so grateful for and so blessed by. I pray God continues to bring us closer, so that we may count the stars, and see the world together.

I feel like God's got something mighty up His sleeve... There's a tangible mischievousness about His way lately.

We live for these moments...

Last night was exactly what the doctor ordered. Now, I haven't had a few "bad weeks" by any means, but I haven't had "easy weeks" either. Anyways, yesterday night was quite possibly the stabilizer in this life for me at the current time. I went to see one of the most inspirational people in my life. Brad Duncan. He's absolutely wonderful. He started at 8:00 sharp, and went until 11:00, without break. He gave me so much inspiration that I don't know what to do with it. As always, I was there with Andrew. Who I've really enjoyed getting to know. He's given me a lot of hope. He helps me dream. He doesn't shoot down the dreaming I do either...

I've come to realize that I need those kind of people in my life consistently. They are the ones that help me grow, help me realize, help me fulfill my potential. It's dream killers that end lives. Maybe not physically, but mentally they kill people quicker than poison. I'm so glad to have the five close friends I do. They're all different. Yet, somehow they create this motion in my life together. It's a quick-paced positive motion. Centered on Christ, lived out as such. It's been great. I've enjoyed settling into this next phase of life. I'm thinking that so much can happen. I'm realizing that I don't need a four-year college degree and a good job to make it happen either. I might even land on the word revelation for this chapter. I'm so blessed to be where I am.

I know there's so much more to experience in life. I'm so thankful I have a family that loves me unconditionally. I have five wonderful friends who would die for me as I would them. Life is good right now.

I've been thinking a lot about structure again. I have no clue why, it's just where I find myself looking and pondering lately. I can't describe this new side of it yet, but I will say resoundingly that structure is absolutely necessary in human life.

Don't let anyone steal, crumple, crunch, trash, or make fun of your dream. God gave it to you for a reason, so go out and make it happen. I'd be more than happy to help you achieve it as well. Just open your door, and I'll make sure mine is always open too. You are beautiful, so is your dream.

There is no one like you...

To you, the one that sits across from me with that smile, that familiarity. It's comforting. It's refreshing. It's wonderful. I'm so glad I've met you. I'm so glad we've shared purposeful, meaningful conversation. I'm so glad we've run into each other spontaneously. I'm so glad that you're here in my life now. I'm trying, but not rushing to find out just how you belong in my life. Trying to figure out just which little or big part you may or may not come to fill. I like your laugh, I love the comfort I find when I'm around you. I love your touch, though we've hugged just once. I found something I didn't know could exist immediately in any sort of connection. I found myself challenged, yet I didn't feel like I wasn't on your level. I craved to hold your hand just so I could know what it was like to be the page of the book you were reading. I found myself dreaming lyrics about you, like it was nothing new...

Anyways, so other than the topic of "the new boy" in my life, things have been interestingly strange. My grandmother, whom we fondly call Nana, isn't doing so well. She's been sick for the last week or so, and everyone's not ruling out the fact the she may or may not have had a stroke or set of them. My mom may or may not have broken her elbow riding her bicycle this afternoon. My brother's foot hurt for no apparent reason all day. So much so in fact he had trouble walking even. I pray for healing. I pray for divine healing to overcome their injuries and illnesses. Lord, you alone know how to encounter the enemy and put him away. Tonight I beg like the child I am for you to come into their souls, their minds, their bodies and release the pain. It is with You and You alone I continue to breathe. Let that very thought continue to reign within my mind. In Your Holy and precious name, Amen.

That's pretty much where I'm at right now. I hope that I come back to writing soon. I haven't done it much lately, and I always notice that when I'm not writing my mood is less positive. Perhaps that's a sign I should always be writing. Having and not using this gift is moderately to severely stupid.

Early morning desperation meets Jesus Christ

Lyrics have happened here in the early morning. I'm desperate, pleading for new grace and mercy upon my soul tonight.

Song Title: Below the Sky, Above the Ground

We walk along hallways and streets
The music so familiar
The heartache and fear of being alone
Cascades all around
We aren't trying for glory anymore
We're stuck in time

Below the sky, we're stuck dreaming of
A higher place
Above the ground, we're struggling just to breathe
A sigh of relief

We kick the dirt as we look to the stars
Pleading with the crescendos
To reveal answers to the human tragedy
That lies all around
We aren't trusting our salvation anymore
We're stuck in time

Below the sky, we're stuck dreaming of
A higher place,
A sweeter song,
A love worth hanging on,
Above the ground, we're struggling just to breathe
A sigh of relief,
A little fresh air

We run through the city, aimless and confused
Trying to find authenticity in the glitter and the lights
We're falling, we're fading, we're going, going, gone

Below the sky, we're stuck dreaming of
A sweeter song, a love worth hanging on
Above the ground we're struggling just to believe
in Salvation, in Light, in Mercy, in Grace

Below the sky,
We fall to our knees and beg and plead
Above the ground,
We can feel the coming of the King
Below the sky Mercy find us
Above the ground Grace meets us
Below the sky Salvation rescues us
Above the ground Light guides us
Above the ground...

I'm done, but it's not over

Did you ever wonder if you let the most important thing in your world go, just how much it would affect you?

I think we do that a lot. I know I do. Just about a week ago, I let go of one of the absolute biggest things that has ever entered my life. I haven't reacted at all like I thought I would though. That's what's interesting. Instead of grieving over it, I'm rejoicing over the burden that has been lifted from my life. I miss the routine of it terribly, I miss the closeness of it definitely, but I don't miss anything else about it. I just got stuck into something so familiar that I couldn't navigate the waters to find land again.

My heart wants to write lines of words of meaningfulness and depth, but the truth of it, there's a new song already forming within my heart and soul that has me extremely excited for life beyond what even I can comprehend. There's a definite interest in my heart for the next big thing to come. There's definitely been some great people to come into my life while I wait. Perhaps one of them may end up becoming that next big thing.

Anyways, about the writing. The lyrics deep with my soul. I'm always writing in my head, and in my heart, and on the paper, but never can I write to have it authentically sung. Yes, I know I can create successful melodies. Yes, I believe in my gifting whole-heartedly. Do I think that it's meant for the world to hear, not necessarily. The Lord is my guide through this process of learning just what this gift has in store for me. The Lord knows. That for me is enough. I trust that He will see me through and help me shine at the end of the day. After all, we're all stars. We all have to find our shine.

I guess what I'm saying comes down to this. I am done, but it's not over. This chapter has reached its end, and now my next footprints must be made. How will I leave my mark in this next part of this wonderful journey?

Unreal.

It's June now? June. Now. It's already June. Alright, now that we have established that it's June where do I go from there?

Here.

It's June. Man, I said it again. It's unreal that it's June. I feel obligated to write some huge deep blog about it but all I can fathom is the fact that it's June. Things are moving so quickly right now and it feels amazingly wonderful.

It's definitely exciting to be me right now. I broke up with my boyfriend on May 27. This time it's for real. He crossed one of the three lines I hold fast to. Since then, there's already been two guys that have piqued my interest. Two totally different kinds of people, yet, they both understand and get me in the same ways. It's strange yet it makes me feel absolutely wonderful. I'm not ready for either of them to express interest but I am absolutely loving getting to know them.

Well, here's to June! I salute you!