Mystery Part III

I guess this has become a series of sorts. I thought it was just going to be a thought in passing but I'm convinced that this Jesus that I love so deeply and fully is truly the biggest mystery I've ever come to know or will ever know...

Alright, so you're wondering about the picture of the candle. Well, here's where I start in my late night assertions about my faith. As far as my salvation story goes, it almost literally started with the smallness of a candle flicker. Granted, I was inside of the Rose Garden in Portland with about 15,000 other believers or questioners. At the time, it just felt like a little flutter in my laid upon my soul, but now I know what that flicker was. It was the flicker of a newly found hope, a newly found trust, and a new response to a brand new relationship. I was so compelled that weekend. I don't want to label myself, especially in glorification, but I think I left with the fullest heart of all the attenders. Why? Because that flicker went straight into this full out fire. No slow transition here.

The real mystery here is how God calls people into His Kingdom. He calls them by name. He whispers to them in a dream. He shouts their name as they overlook a sunset. He loves them when they think they're unlovable. As I mature, I'm amazed by just how diverse the salvation stories are. Pastors' kids who naturally grew up with faith and followed faithfully. Pastors' kids who naturally grew up, rebelled, and found Him again on their own time. People who find Him at big events and small events alike... It's a mystery that He programmed us to have different reactions to the call to faith.

Lately, my fire's not so much left my heart, it's just changing. It's rearranging. It's amazing. I have so much hope. I have so much faith in my God that sometimes He needs to do that. He has helped me break out of my routine thought process. He's helped my core to re-evaluate who I am. He's let me come into balances that I didn't think I needed...

And I throw it back to those wonderful first moments of my faith... When my candle transformed into a full-fledged firestorm of passion, praise, and pursuit of answers and of Him. I can't believe just how small that flame needs to be for Him to be able to get along side it and send His breath as wind to fan it into a raging blaze.

It's such a mystery, stay tuned. I'm sure this series isn't over yet.

The Fire...

I am so on fire. I just got back from one of the most inspirational talks of my entire life. Bradley Duncan. That man knows how to shoot fire straight into my bones and deeply within my heart. It's so childish to say this... but he is so cool! He's got it all going on. He's absolutely wonderful. His message is powerful. Most importantly, his dream is real, alive, and well. He's a multi-multi millionaire giving me his two cents on how he got there, yet, he wasn't paid a dime to show up. He chose fully to share his fire with us, on his own time. I am inspired. I am on fire. It will be the most amazing two days next weekend. Spending it with dreamers from all walks of life who are dreaming their dreams like I'm dreaming mine. With passion and with fervor...

Passion. Fervor.

I'm done, but it's not over

Did you ever wonder if you let the most important thing in your world go, just how much it would affect you?

I think we do that a lot. I know I do. Just about a week ago, I let go of one of the absolute biggest things that has ever entered my life. I haven't reacted at all like I thought I would though. That's what's interesting. Instead of grieving over it, I'm rejoicing over the burden that has been lifted from my life. I miss the routine of it terribly, I miss the closeness of it definitely, but I don't miss anything else about it. I just got stuck into something so familiar that I couldn't navigate the waters to find land again.

My heart wants to write lines of words of meaningfulness and depth, but the truth of it, there's a new song already forming within my heart and soul that has me extremely excited for life beyond what even I can comprehend. There's a definite interest in my heart for the next big thing to come. There's definitely been some great people to come into my life while I wait. Perhaps one of them may end up becoming that next big thing.

Anyways, about the writing. The lyrics deep with my soul. I'm always writing in my head, and in my heart, and on the paper, but never can I write to have it authentically sung. Yes, I know I can create successful melodies. Yes, I believe in my gifting whole-heartedly. Do I think that it's meant for the world to hear, not necessarily. The Lord is my guide through this process of learning just what this gift has in store for me. The Lord knows. That for me is enough. I trust that He will see me through and help me shine at the end of the day. After all, we're all stars. We all have to find our shine.

I guess what I'm saying comes down to this. I am done, but it's not over. This chapter has reached its end, and now my next footprints must be made. How will I leave my mark in this next part of this wonderful journey?

Sing the song of angel choirs.

Today, I made a huge decision musically. I was on the phone with Andrew for a decent amount of time today and we got talking about music. Specifically vocals. My voice isn't near the quality or consistency that it used to be and it's really dragging me down, even emotionally. I need to get it back in shape, especially if I'm supposed to use this to further His kingdom. I know I'm supposed to use it, I know I won't get to unless I treat it like the gift that it is. So that leaves it up to me to meet God where He wants me to.

I also had some new lyrical words of beauty wrap themselves around me last night. You guessed it, I'm sharing them now. I was listening and currently am still listening to Roby Duke. He passed away the day after Christmas last year. I sat in several Christian Musician Summit Workshops with him, even talking to him after. He's inspiration.

--- "Empty"

I walk along the pathway of mediocre
Praying that it leads to more than just average
I can't tell You how long I've been waiting
To find the reason for being alive

Oh Lord, I'm tired of being empty
Saying Your name, but playing this game as mine
Oh Lord, I'm tired of being empty
Won't you come in?

Fill me...
Fill me...
Fill me with Your holy fire
Fill me...
Fill me...
Fill me with Your desire.

Fearfully, I tread in the waters of jealousy
Making myself the fool I tell them not to be
I can't tell You how long I've been waiting
To wash these feelings away in Your tide

Oh Lord, I'm tired of being empty
Saying Your name, but playing this game as mine
Oh Lord, I'm tired of being empty
Won't you come in?

Fill me...
Fill me...
Fill me with Your holy fire
Fill me...
Fill me...
Fill me with Your desire.

Oh God, I am begging
Oh God, I am screaming
Fill me, fill me, fill me with fire,
Fill me, fill me, fill my heart's desire

I need you Lord, I need You
I need you Lord, I need Your truth

----

What I find most interesting about the lyrics I've been writing lately is that I still am on these wonderful, marvelous highs. Yet, all I can seem to do is write out of a place of utter despair and hunger. Logically, you'd think I'd be writing Praise and Celebratory songs of Worship. Yet, all I can do is get humble, see the real me, and walk in that. I am such a sinner. We are all such sinners. The reality of our corruption is devastating.

The reality of my part of this corruption is devastating.