Mystery Part VI

As I've been writing consistently for about two weeks now I find some days that it is much easier to begin than others. Today was a real struggle to even complete these few sentences.

Creatively, I haven't been suffering lately, but it's the delivery that begs of better. I have so many grand ideas but no way to get them out of my head. It almost seems as if there's a great big disconnect. The hand is still writing just as always, the mind is still thinking just as always, but between the thought and the pen there is a void that I feel is deeper than the Atlantic Ocean...

That's the mystery of creative gifts. How strong they can be at times, and how non-existent they can seem in others. Prior to November I hadn't really written something solid or unique in several months. Granted I have quite the archive of napkin notes and phrases on receipts and half-written pages that I went back to for inspiration. No real new ideas have been given to my head to then place on the paper that I'm currently writing on.

I tend to think He does that so we remain thankful for the gifts and that we creatively don't drain ourselves and lose interest in our mastery. Which, in thinking, I did the first. I'd lost my thankful heart for being gifted with writing songs, poems, blog entries, you name it, I became very ungrateful. Not intentionally, it just kind of happens when you become comfortable with what you have. In fact, I'm not going to lie, He did take it away so that I could see just how necessary it is for me. It truly is my therapy. I don't think my gift is for the world at this point, but rather, it's my souls longing to be closer to Him but written out. Some have definitely read my writings, and some have definitely said that I am quite good and should pursue copyrights and get my material to book publishing companies and get some of my work out there, however, I feel as though it's for me, and me alone at this time. It's just a blessing if people find something relevant to their struggles within my writings. That said, I don't feel as if I should limit their abilities to receive the potential healing that my writings could provide. Then again, it is my unique writing so I feel like credit should be given where credit is due. To Him, for inspiring my thoughts, dreams, and actions. For placing in my heart goals, wishes, and aspiration. I take the earthly credit, but He deserves the eternal credit.

Overall, I am just thankful that I still have my gift and still get to actively practice it. I must remember to the Him for the gift much more often than I do. That my friends, is the mystery of creative gifts.

Absolutely

God is full of absolutes. This is monumental in my faith today. This entry won't be very long, or very "deeply" written but it is monumental. He is always absolute. In His walk, in His way, in His truth, in His light. He IS absolute...

I can't comprehend how it happens, but God really works at my heart as I sit alone amongst a group of people. I sit here in the Starbucks location that I so frequently visit and I am compelled by the faith that I live in, to achieve bigger, to dream larger, to believe stronger. I don't know how or why, but it is the way it is because that's the way God intended for me to receive it. The people talk around me, and I could actively be a part of the conversation, but I have been told that I am not to interject right now. I am supposed to absorb...

It's just drifted to the Lord's salvation and I am deeply processing. It's time for me to jump back in. It's time for me to inherit the lesson I'm supposed to learn. I thank God for the new people in my life in this moment. I thank him for the ones who have been there. I thank HIM for giving me the life I lead....

Ephesians 6:18

Piano melodies take me deeper...

There's something about the way a piano sounds. Especially if it is just the piano and maybe the occasional drum pattern or synthesized effect over it. It haunts the souls deepest memories, brings forth new hope, creates new dreams, sells us a picture with nothing but our imaginations. It's awe-inspiring. It competes within my heart as the best genre of music out there. Partially because it still needs people who play with actual skill and actual passion and partially because it is raw. Raw emotionally, and raw effectually...

Today's sunset was something spectacular at my house. Due to the towering trees around my house I only see the portion of the sky that has been made clear by the cutting of the trees to make way for my house. I watched the sky turn beautiful, wonderful shades. Corals, yellows, golds, crimsons, pinks, and velvety blues. It never ever ceases to amaze me just how wonderful these painting from God are. I try to find new words to wrap around the beauty that I see, yet when I seek new words, I realized that my vocabulary is a bit more extensive than I could begin to search through. It's definitely a blessing. My strengths are rooted in language. I communicate well via all methods of communication. That is fine, I just like to know that I communicate well...

My love of language comes from my faith in my God and my Savior. I have spent so much time trying to listen to the little voices that they whisper for me and me alone to hear. I don't want to let them down. I want to be able to communicate what I have just come to know through the quiet echoes that cascade upon my soul. It's refreshing, it's inspiring, it's invigorating to know that these whispers and echoes are mine and mine alone to hear and interpret.

Back to my original line of thought, the piano. In many ways it is much like interpreting the small voices and the echoes all around. You can see the story form in your head. You can feel the emotion coursing through your veins. You can create your own choreography to what you hear. You can use the choreography that it came with. Ultimately, that decision is up to the ear that is receiving the melody...

What kind of melody would your heart really sing if it were to come to the altar at this very moment? What kind of melody do you want it to be? Do you want cascading crescendos and decrescendos laced intricately into the fabric of the song? Do you want it to whisper just above breath so that it may remain near to you? Do you want it to be loud and heavy so that it gets noticed? You make that choice, and you let that song come from your heart. Let it pour out like rain. Let it soak up into your soul and guide you. Let your mind receive it and begin to adapt to the way your heart really feels. Then, keep it, or release it. It's your choice, but know that your melody may be the one to change someone else deep within their core.