Just like a circus...

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins, spotlight on me and I'm ready to break...

All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus...

--

Alright, so I have this certain group of friends who I constantly find myself the center of. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely flattered that they love me, love spending time with me, and want to show me that. However, I constantly find myself the one making the plans, and making sure they happen. Don't get me wrong, I plan and plan well. I just want for a few times, to be one of the ones who just gets to show up with a bottle of wine and have a good night. I'm also tired of the way I'm being used in a lot of my other relationships. I don't feel valued. I know that God's setting me aside right now to do great. That's extremely apparent. With some of my passions in life at a standstill, such as writing, music, and connecting with new people, and lots of quiet times all of a sudden, I know I'm being prepared to do great things...

That said, I wish that there was some balance in life. Just a little. I love balance.

Snowflake Lane

It's incredible what just fifteen minutes can do for someone. For me fifteen minutes of a drum line parked along Bellevue Way was all it took to regain some serious focus on life. Quite simply, I've been living too hard lately. But not in the sense most take it...

I'm talking that I'm forcing myself to grow up when it should be a natural process. Yes, I could be a late bloomer in some aspects, but still, you can't force change. I had been forcing change. Now, because of some bubbles masquerading as snowflakes, heavily costumed high schoolers and college-aged drummers, and a peppermint lollipop I have regained some perspective on just who I should be. I should be me. I should be me, in my own way, on my own time.

It's December 8th. Christmas is just around the corner and I have no idea what to expect. All I know is that things are changing. People will come and some will leave and I just need to accept that.

However, I've found just a little bit of Christmas Joy. To that, I will cling to, recklessly. That said, I am so grateful for my God, and my Savior. With them, I would be nothing. Absolutely nothing. So my ultimate joy is found in Him.

Chaos: The Britney Effect

Today, I will be buying two tickets to the most nostalgic event ever. I will be attending a Britney Spears concert. The Pussycat Dolls are the scheduled opener. The date is April 9th, 2009. It will be excellent. Chaos in the circus will be intense. The fire in my heart, even moreso. Presale starts in fourteen minutes. It will be the show of the year...

Also, life has re-stabilized a little. It's nice. You take the simple things for granted sometimes. I need to remember not to do that again.

This is an entrance into a thirty-one day challenge.

I'm going to try and put up thirty-one entries this month. That equates to being one per day. I know it's achievable, I know I can do it. Yet, I put an intense challenge up on it. The entries have to be below surface level problems. They have to make me think. I'm not concerned. Yet, it's going to be interesting what God throws at me.

I absolutely adore my life right now. I am so blessed. So, beginning today, I embark on the next chapter of this life.

A total shift of perspective. Oh wait, not really.

I've finally settled in on a perspective that I needed to get settled in.

Love God. Love people. Serve the world.

Anyways, life has been superficially and internally good.

I have been deeply struggling in one area, but I am not ready to talk about it yet. It's kind of like a wound that has been re-opened and it's just filling me with these huge doubts and insecurities. Which is too bad, because honestly things have been going very well.

It's all about staying upbeat and positive. Negative is a pretty roadblock that I can't have happen this time around.

I witnessed a pretty cool thing the other day actually...

So, I was eating some good food and I was listening to the conversation a few tables down and was deeply interested in what this grandfather and granddaughter duo were doing.

So, this granddad had two granddaughters with him, and he had given one a full paper dollar. The other one naturally said "Grandpa, can I have one?!" That said, he frantically searched his wallet and gathered all the change he had. He covered the change and asked his adorable granddaughter "Would you like a paper dollar or take a handful of change that equals more than a dollar?" She begged and pleaded for paper dollar...

It just goes to show you just how appearance driven we are. If things don't look pretty we don't want it. That said, we need to look past the outer appearance into the valuable parts of people, and of experiences, and of things. The guest speaker at church last night said something really true that still resonates with me now. I'm not totally sure how it was laced into being, but it was something like...

Jesus' love sees the value in people, the value of people isn't measured by the amount of property they have...

It was amazing. I am so excited for my future. I am so excited to add value to the lives all around me.

Through fog and fire

Through fog and fire. Two very different things, yet all too familiar and real within the Christian walk. Well, actually through any person's walk really. We all go through times we can not see the other side to and we all go through times that challenge us. There is no doubting that challenge is real. Very, very real. There is no doubting that there's times when things don't exactly make themselves clear.

So, within the next few months, I'll be embarking on probably one of the foggiest and fire-filled journeys of my life. I'm going to start making my mark. I'm going to become part of a diamond studded, platinum filled, ruby, sapphire, and emerald laced family. I'm going to acquire the extra income I need to get my ministry on it's feet, and I'll have the time to maintain and really watch that ministry develop.

At this point it seems like it wouldn't be fair to the people I've talked to and showed interest to not to pursue it with all my heart. If, in some point of that trying that I find out it's not for me, that's fine. Not to give it a real chance however, doesn't seem justified. Especially since my interest level and commitment levels are both extremely high. I'm ready to take this Quixtar lifestyle head-on. I've got a great set of Up-Lines in Andrew, his parents (sort of), Craig, and Samir. I look forward to the day I have my own Down-Line. When people come to me, connect with me, thrive through me. It's weird, I'll be making my dreams happen, but with my intellect, others dreams are happening through me, and because I participate. This seems like a real opportunity for me. I'm not going to sit idle and pretend I didn't see it.

On to something else, you see, I've been thinking continually about structure for some reason the last few weeks. It's become clear to me why? It's so I could understand the structure of this business better and more cohesively than people who are just seeing the layout for the first time. I would best describe it as Multi-level Marketing and Retailing. After some research people mislead themselves into believing that Quixtar and World Wide Dream Builders are together a pyramid scheme. It's just simply not the case. In a pyramid scheme there's a lot of money you put into it up front, and numerous written contracts. However this business opportunity I pay the licensing fee and am essentially on my way. The opportunity is there. I'm going to knock. I just really want to make sure my entrance is as planned and informed as possible. It's not a "get-rich-quick" scheme and I'm fine with that. I just can't wait to start meeting the needs of the people around me, while also filling my own needs.

On Friday, we're having a meeting. Perhaps, then, I will begin the process.

And to think, all this because I took a five-hour drive to Spokane on a whim. Who knew SpringLeadership would rock me like it did! I can't wait to go back next year and show progress to those I will meet and have met already.

Creation Festival West 2007

I know it's taken forever for me to get this posted but I got back from Creation Festival West on Monday of this week. Let me tell you, it rocked my world. There was so much to do and so much to see, and so much Love in the amphitheatre. I mean seriously, I went to the venue alone and then left with three phone numbers of people as close as Spokane and as far as Tennessee. You just don't do that on the streets. Anyways... Let me break it down for you, day by day.

Tuesday, July 24-

So, I went a day earlier than the festival actually started to do some scenic stuff on the road to my hotel room. From where I live, to Ellensburg, where I had my room at is about a one and a half hour drive. Beyond that, the Gorge Amphitheatre is about another hour. Anyways, the drive to Ellensburg, which shouldn't take very long ended up taking me almost four hours. I stopped at random exits, took a few random roads here and there just to see where they might go. I didn't go too far off of I-90 because I didn't accidentally want to get lost, but it was still a cool thing to do. I got to my hotel room at around 6, took a shower, turned on the television and proceeded to make myself sleep the entire night through. Which I did.

Wednesday, July 25-

I got up and out of the room at about noon in seek of Creation. However I got a phone call from a friend who I wanted to see quite badly. So instead, of heading to what I feared would be a terrible game of waiting, we met at the local Buzz-in for a late lunch or early dinner, however you look at it. We enjoyed a lovely dinner, filled with great conversation. I'm glad we got to catch up. I then made my way out to the Gorge, hoping upon hope I'd get on-site in time to see Jars of Clay and Relient K. I did make it in for Relient K. They were amazing, simply and utterly amazing. I went back to my hotel room as quickly as I could so I could rest up for the first 8 am - 11 pm day on-site.

Thursday, July 26-

I woke myself up at what I could only deem at the time as "too early" for normal people. I proceeded to take advantage of the pastries in the lobby and I got into my car. Now, I don't know what about driving does it for me, but as soon as I get into my car, I am awake and ready for the day. I just love driving I guess. So, I got parked and was in the amphitheatre at around 9, just an hour after gates opened and got my lawn seating set up. I knew I wouldn't stay, but the beauty of being with 20,000 family members is that you can trust them. I had everything in the backpack I had brought and left it there for whoever I wanted to go down closer to the Main Stage. I even left it when I went to the Fringe Stage. Back to what I was saying, I got set up and I was led in worship by a new name to me, Phil Wickham, who has made me a quick fan. And then I heard a beautiful talk by Phil Lookadoo. I got tired and then proceeded to fall asleep. I mean, I heard Story Side B in my sleep, but I totally didn't give them the attention they probably should have deserved. It finally started heating up at this time and it got hot. At the peak of the day it got to be 97 according to my little thermometer, which I lost somewhere. After the lunch break a group named Group 1 Crew woke me up, and from that point on, I was awake the rest of the day. Now, I haven't mentioned any water consumption as of this point, because, well, I hadn't consumed any. Which, I believe, led me to the events that would unfold that night. I decided to make my way up to the Fringe Stage for Everyday Sunday and MxPx, needless to say, I'm glad I was there. Because they are both amazing live acts. I then bought my only water bottle of the day, a small 16.9 fluid ounce bottle of water, for an entire day in 97 degree heat. Yeah, I was brilliant, and I was starting to feel my brilliance. I got really tired just as Ron Luce spoke in the evening. This is when the bigger names in Christian music come out to play and tonights line up was amazing. Chris Tomlin and Switchfoot. Honestly, it doesn't really get a whole lot better than that. So I went down into the pit for them and though I was dead, I was praising at the top of my lungs in some foolish mindset that maybe if my voice was loudest that God would love me most. That's not how I feel at all, but it makes for a good laugh. It's amazing I actually made it back to my hotel room actually. I got back to my room and made myself take a long shower. Notice, I still didn't consume anymore water. Then I wrapped myself up in my comfortable pajamas and crawled into that bed and wrapped up and fell asleep with intentions of doing it all over again tomorrow.

Friday, July 27-

I got up at the same un-holy hour as the day before and immediately felt horrible. My head hurt more than it had in quite a while, my muscles were screaming, and my stomach was crying. It took me quite a while to get ready because of all of that. I got myself out and to the Gorge at 10 am, a little later than I wanted to be. I still felt really horrible, and me being me, I couldn't understand why. I then decided to go get another water bottle and I took one sip and I proceeded to throw it up. Brilliant. So I didn't drink another sip until around the time that Red took the Fringe Stage. A big reason why I came to this festival was for them, and they did an amazing job, followed by a great talk by Zoro and Day of Fire. Let me tell you, Day of Fire, rocks it, and rocks it hard. Anyways, by this time, I seriously wasn't feeling well at all. I had this huge dilemma on my hands as well. Do I stay for the rest of the day or miss the one of the two acts I'd really came for? I decided I'd catch as much of Downhere as I could and then go back to the room. Who are great and greatly under-the-radar. I love Kutless and the Newsboys, but my health needed me. So I chose to get out and I was back to the room at around 7. Where I made myself drink water, not all at once, but sip by sip. As soon as my body realized that what it was getting was the greatest-thirst quencher, I stopped throwing up. Then it occured to me, I was extremely dehydrated. So between the hours of 7 pm to 11 pm I finally had consumed enough water that seemingly I could have drowned in. But I didn't, heck, I didn't even expell any of it. My body needed that. During those four hours before I feel asleep, all my symptoms virtually disappeared. I wasn't nauesous, I was no longer suffering from dizziness, I could walk straight, I wasn't throwing up anymore, and I wasn't having the worst headache of my life. I also immediately decided to get "water smart" for tomorrow. Funny thing, I didn't suffer alone. I had a friend who had told me they were going a couple months ago call me up just around the time I was almost asleep and she was begging for somewhere comfortable to sleep for the night. She was suffering the exact same thing I was. So I said if she could find a ride into town I'd be happy to have her. She got in and settled and we were both asleep before 1 am. I'd also decided I'd take it easy tomorrow. For safety's sake.

Saturday, July 28-

I woke up at around 10 in the morning and my friend was sound asleep. I woke her up and we slowly got ready. We got to Creation at about 2pm. We separated ways at the gate, and I told her to call if she needed to get back to the room. I proceeded to buy all the merchandise that I had been looking at, and was lead by Leeland in an amazing set of songs. I didn't hear from her, and I was getting excited. David Crowder and his amazing Band were getting closer and closer. Then, just as they were about to go on, she calls me, she's at the hotel and I'm not there, and she doesn't understand why? Well, me being me, I sacrifice David Crowder for this friend who isn't quite as bright as me, and I truck my way back into town. She was grateful. Under the surface I was upset, but I put on a great front. It was actually probably a good thing in retrospect that I left when I did, because I pretty much crashed as soon as I got in. I was a lot more tired than I thought that I was.

Sunday, July 29-

My friend was gone before I woke up, but left a sweet little note and a Starbucks gift card. I had another friend I was meeting up with anyways. I met up with that friend and had an amazing conversation. I was deathly tired though. So much sun in so little time really took my energy level for a ride. So we ended our coffee date and I went back to the room for what I thought would be a nap. I'd originally intended on taking pictures around town in the sunset, but when I feel asleep I woke up at midnight and then proceeded to go from that nap, to a shower, to sleep again. I then woke up and checked out of the hotel on...

Monday, July 30-

Where I made my way home. And boy, home felt good. But Creation was a blast and a great experience. I met amazing people. I sang songs of God. I gave my tribute to my Creator and it was in a gorgeous setting. God is Good. Never doubt that. I loved every minute of it.