Clinging to my tears I'm in bed this night. I have no idea what's happening to my emotional realm, but things are clearly and most honestly not right. They're not bad. They're just not right. I'm upset over things I never would have been, I'm joyous over different things, I'm sad and happy minute by minute. I fear the old me is trying to creep back in and that really scares me. Not just that momentary fear like you're on a roller coaster and it ends. It's a fear that if realized could be very damaging to the relationships I've worked so hard to build and maintain. I don't like being this way. I don't like being jealous. I don't like being upset and the people I love the very most for something they probably didn't even intentionally do.
I'm going to call for an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. I know I'm totally publicizing that, but I don't live ashamed that sometimes I need someone trained to help me sort through my emotions. I embrace the fact that there's someone on this earth who can actually get through to my core and evaluate what's really happening.
I just fear that I may have to re-enlist the help of medication. That's one of the most painful things I ever had to deal with. Realizing a medication helped me be happy. Unless you're depressed, you have no idea what it feels like.
Anyways, I need to go pray. It's decently late, and I've a decently early morning and a extraordinary long day ahead of me.
Just so you know, just know, this writing, it was totally transparent.
1 comment:
i agree with the medication part.
i didn't feel like i had a real sense of what was going on when i was on them.
i personally think that they can maintain extreme thoughts but not make them vanish.
so that's why i stopped using medication for issues.
feel better.
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