Psalm 148

1Shout praises to the LORD!
Shout the LORD's praises
in the highest heavens.
2All of you angels,
and all who serve him above,
come and offer praise.
3Sun and moon,
and all of you bright stars,
come and offer praise.
4Highest heavens,
and the water
above the highest heavens, come and offer praise.
5Let all things praise
the name of the LORD,
because they were created
at his command.
6He made them to last forever,
and nothing can change
what he has done. 7All creatures on earth,
you obey his commands,
so come praise the LORD!
8Sea monsters and the deep sea,
fire and hail,
snow and frost,
and every stormy wind,
come praise the LORD!
9All mountains and hills,
fruit trees and cedars,
10every wild and tame animal,
all reptiles and birds,
come praise the LORD!
11Every king and every ruler,
all nations on earth,
12every man and every woman,
young people and old,
come praise the LORD!
13All creation, come praise
the name of the LORD.
Praise his name alone.
The glory of God is greater
than heaven and earth.
14Like a bull with mighty horns,
the LORD protects
his faithful nation Israel,
because they belong to him.
Shout praises to the LORD!

--

Perhaps this is my new anthem. My song of praise. I don't live in Israel, but I am one of His people. His faithful. His lovers. I am so proud to be a lover of Jesus Christ. Here in this moment. I know my ways and I know my rhythms, but God has them planned. Even in my struggles to find "the way" he has written my story or the chapter that I'm in I know that my destiny is planned. For that, I should be thankful for. For that, I should always remember Him. Always.

Depth in Understanding

So, people say that there's depth in understanding. I don't think so. I think there's much more depth to something if it isn't understood. Because there's depth, meaning there is a limit. Whereas if you're not understanding something, it still has places it can go. It still has mysteries that it can reveal. That's why I love the fact that God has called me to His kingdom. No matter how deep you go, there's always another level. Always another wave to ride, always another revelation to encounter.

Always another revelation.
Always another truth beyond reason.
That's what He's all about.
That's what He told me about His love.
He'll never leave me alone.

Declaration.

This is a simple entry. Compared to others I've written this one pales in length and complexity. But here it is in it's true depth and glory...

I am a sinner. I was forgiven by His grace alone.

There, that was it. Did you catch it?

Knowing.

Knowing He's listening is one of life's greatest gifts of all time.

Knowing He's working in the things that my heart so desperately cries out for is even more amazing.

Knowing He's doing the exact same things in everyone else's lives is priceless.

If you can't see the glory all around you, try looking at a sunset and saying that they "just exist." How can something so boldly beautiful "just exist?" Or look at your last meaningful conversation, or your last quiet moment, or that wonderful chord in that song that captured you.

He's there. He's everywhere. Remember, wherever you go, Love leads you and Love follows you.

At the three Crosses.

So, after church today, I've done something that I have wanted to do for a long time now. I have for a long time wanted to pray at the three crosses Overlake has at it's entrance. Today I did that. While the heavens cried long long tears over the land, I prayed, hard, almost on my knees, and I probably should have dropped, and I will next time. I prayed for everything, and everyone, and it was good.

I will do it again, I will pray always. Like we all should.

Prayer: Are you connected?

Jammed

As I sit here, I am temporarily without the use of my left ring finger, and my left pinkie finger. Why? Because I played football yesterday at work and caught the ball wrong and jammed my pinkie finger extremely bad. However, I am thankful for the invention of ice-packs, ibuprofen, and sports tape. It got me thinking though...

Even when something isn't going exactly according to plan or if things suddenly change mid-way through, I need to remember that I'm going to be just fine because He's going to be there on the other side. So while I hurt now, I triumph later.

While I hurt now, I will triumph later. That is the testament of the Risen One. He hurt for a very long time, enduring everything that was put upon him, all to rise above all in the end. From ashes to beauty. I think we'll never comprehend it, and as soon as someone claims to, something will happen again to make us doubt all over again.

I just marvel at the cross. I have so much inside my head and heart that I could and do say, but no matter how much I say, the words never run dry. This Easter season is looking much different than I could imagine it looking. Really, it's not a time to mourn, it's a time to celebrate that He rose from the dead, proving and proclaiming that GOD is the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings. Now that's something I can fully support.

I'm off to take another dose of ibuprofen right now, but no matter what's here on earth we've got a better remedy in the blood of JESUS CHRIST. That is the ultimate salvation.

Open spaces...

I've realized something about open spaces. Particularly in buildings and rooms. There is so much potential to create beautiful artistry within the rooms. With walls of white, and floor of trusty hardwood, there is so much potential. Splash a cranberry red sofa, a modern painting with slight hints of bright color, a few side tables made of glass and aluminum and a lamp of brushed steel. You've got yourself a modern room. However, you throw a over-sized leather couch with a thick throw rug, a rustic fireplace, and tables made of solid oak, and you've got yourself a comfortable room...

This translates into life as this...

Our hearts should be open spaces, where our Creator can paint on us as He chooses. Freely.

Yet, here's where the beauty lies...

Say someone breaks into the room, takes something, or adds something that doesn't make sense. That taints the perfect room God has built within us. Because it takes away some of the room's strength, or adds an element that just doesn't make sense and hurts the overall impact of the room.

The question is...

What kind of room do you live in? Has someone been able to break in? Have you tried to remodel on your own?

Think on it, ponder it, absorb it. I know I have. I know I've got some remodeling by my Creator coming.

I Will Not.

I will not fear the day the Lord comes down. I will not fear to use the gospel. I will not fear the deep love around me. I will not fear. I've started realizing a lot of things lately, most of them center around fear. So now, I make the proclamation that I will not fear. Fear runs lives. Fear ruins lives. No, I didn't repeat myself. Read that more carefully.

Fear runs lives. Fear ruins lives.

Living in fear is not any longer something I will let happen. I can't. It's not a viable option for my success. It's not a viable success for anyone's success. Yet, people live in fear or failing, of loving, of dreaming, of chasing bigger things in life. Why? Because that's how society is molding us. We are such a generation where we're so stressed to do more and more and do perfectly at it. Anything less than a 99 out of 100 is unacceptable and having a job you hate but pays well is the new normal.

What happened to passion? What happened to it being alright to relax? Stress makes fear real. Fear makes stress real. I say that we eliminate stress and fear and call it fine. I'm tired of driving all night on this road of uncertainty when there's a whole lot more happening in this life for me to see.

Yet, part of me craves to be relevant with this culture, and I certainly couldn't do that if I lived without fear. What's my dilemma? Should I find something to fear?

Oh wait, I have... His name is God. I fear him to my core.

So really, I am relevant.

Go.

So many questions... only three answers.

Can you hit the mountaintop without first walking through the valley? Can you truly be victorious without first suffering defeat? Can you ever truly see the light without first running through the darkness? But the biggest question of all resounds within my head over and over again...

Could I ever go through life without my Jesus? And here's my answer...

No, I wouldn't go without the sacrifice of my Savior and the love of my Father.

He's the one who puts me through the valley so I can stand upon the mountain. He's the one who puts me to the challenge so I can feel the glory of a win...

He's the one who takes away the light so I can dance when it's found.

Would I trade it for the world?

No... I couldn't go.

How could I deny the God who gave His only Son. How could I turn from the nails in that Son? The nails He took so that I could be set free. I just can't believe He's made me who I am and that I'm perfect, made in His plan.

No, I couldn't go...

Without the One who loves me for who I truly am. The world Fights against Him for what's in my soul, my mind, and everything in between. But I won't give in, I fight it to the very end.

He's the one who created me, how could I fall into Satan's lair? When that of this world is just that. But I know, when I go, I'm really going, going to my Father in Heaven's home.

No, I couldn't go...
And if I had the choice...
No, I wouldn't go.

For the Mood.

So, I've had a rough weekend but one song has risen from the bottom of my playlist to the top. While this song is universally amazing, it just hasn't been on my "must listen" list for sometime now. However, I've remembered and relearned grace this weekend. It was brought into my current playlist and it doesn't look to be leaving for sometime now. It comes as a musical blessing to me in this time.

"Grace Like Rain" - Todd Agnew

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see so clearly

Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me
Hallelujah, all my stains are washed away, washed away

'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed

Chorus

When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing Your praise
Than when we first begun

Ivory

I am thankful for my musical passions and ability to play the piano and sing songs this morning. So very grateful.

This is my purpose, this is my calling, now I wait for the open door. I pray on bended knee I'm allowed just one more open door. I know I've closed so many before, but this time, I'm serious. I get a door, I'm flying through it. No doubts. No fears.

I am so blessed with this passion. So blessed. I know I've said that a million times before, but why did it take until just now to register and sink in?

"I wanna live for You, go where You lead me. I wanna follow You" - Starfield

Swing, Swing.

It's a weird place to be in a place of contentment plus a place of complacency with a dash stress and a pinch of joy. It makes the days go by quickly individually yet take forever in great lengths of time. There is no complaints from me this time however. I am enjoying the way my life is this time. I will not complain about what I don't have. Because in relation to most, I have more at this very minute than others will have their entire lifetime. Yet, I do pray and pray for continued well-being and that I still receive challenges.

I am happy. I am desiring a little bit less complacency in my callings, but I am happy.

approaching 21.

My birthday is approaching. It's ninety-two days away. It's not "right around the corner" but I feel like I'm dancing pretty closely with it. On May 24th 1987 I was born, and on May 24th 2008 I turn the big twenty-one. To tell you the truth, it's a lot sweeter lacing words together about it than it will be in action. It's the monumental occassion when a person gets to drink legally. For me, that is going to be extremely uplifting. Dangerous, but uplifting. I have made the hard decision not to embrace the "lifestyle" that so many people embrace after turning twenty-one. Yet, with most dinners I will have a glass of wine. For me that will come as a remembrance not of anything else. I will have the glass of wine as a way to come into communion with my Father. As a way to remember that His Son's blood was my sacrifice. I will embrace the freedom that He has commissioned for me. I will not drink in excess. Yet, I will not deny it.

Three words.

HE. IS. REMEDY
there, was i clear enough?

Needless to say, I needed some great therapy and I turned to Him. Probably, honestly, for one of the first times ever I turned my eyes upward and fell to my knees. I pray a lot, and I go to Him a lot. But usually I sit here and try to help myself or seek earthly counsel. I sought Him, and He rewarded me. I am learning the discipline.

HE. IS. REMEDY.

Not Going Back...

As much as I sit here questioning the realness of Jesus Christ and the reality of God, you'd think I would have gone atheist a long long time ago. Heck if not as drastic as atheism, even agnostic would have been too far away.

I don't know why I'm questioning it so much lately, I never have before. Is it because I've become complacent? Chances are good. Chances are very good that I have. I don't like complacency. Is it natural? Sure. Even the most passionate of people get complacent within their fields for short times. Yet somehow they work through it and find the realness, the rawness of their passion. I know I have it somewhere, somewhere locked within this tired person.

I am so thankful for my Jesus. I am so thankful that I have a Creator. I know that and I will never go back to the time before I got saved. I spent too much time getting hurt and hurting other people. I love to live for others now. I strive to make sure everyone I know is constantly doing well. I strive to show my Creator just how much I love him. Whether through using this written gift, my vocal gifts, or whatever else he chooses to bring forth. I sink a little deeper under the covers as I write this. I am so thankful I have a warm bed and a loving family to call my own. The blessings of God upon my life are great and very close between.

I'm not going back. I just wish I wasn't questioning doing so. It scares me that I am. My heart knows the realness of God, my logical mind tells me that there's no way it's true. It's dangerous. But I'm not going back.

NOT. GOING. BACK.

Not-So-Anonymous

Dear Not-So-Anonymous,

Tonight, I cried for you. I don't know why. I cried out of deep place in my heart that I didn't know I had. One of desire that I never knew. I met you and the world stopped. I went home and on my knees begged the Savior of my soul to let me see you again, just one more time. He's granted my wish, several more times since then. Your name sits on my mind all day long and I don't know why. My past had a clear grip of my soul until that moment I came across you. You gave me hope, you looked at me with a childish smile that told of a struggle on the inside. Whether you read this or not isn't my concern. It's whether you know it or not. For the first time ever, I dreamed of having someone falling asleep next to me. I am praying in silent urgency to the Savior in your name. I am so amazed by your walk. I am so amazed by the way you hold up yourself. That moment you came into my life, the world stopped and my heartbeat raced, for just that moment when our eyes met. I don't know what's come over me. I don't know, but I like it and I never want it to go away.

Pray with me now. Humble yourself before God. So that we may never be separated again.

With Love, Amanda

Blank Pages.

I sit here desperately trying to write, anything. This page is blank and the limits of my imagination is non-existent. Yet nothing comes from it. The words that I write and erase and write again feel meaningless on this night. I am restless and my heart just will not quiet. I think it stems from some of my actions that I've been suffering from lately. I am such a sinner, and I'll never ever be able to be clean again. I desperately crave purity. Desperately. I want it for His sake, I want it for my husband's sake. I want it for anyone who I've ever "preached" to and never told them my struggles in return.

I want to write here and now in this moment, yet nothing seems worthy of His time. Do I even really hold a court with Him when I screw up? Do I ever regain the solidarity of our relationship before I started slipping? I question it everytime, yet everytime there He is picking me up from the misery that I've made myself.

As one of my most favorite songs proclaims...
"I know that my Redeemer lives and now I stand on what He did. My Savior, my Savior lives. Every day a brand new chance to say, Jesus You are the only Way. My Savior, my Savior lives."

Why is it that I know all these cliche' biblical truths yet I can't truly wrap myself around how wonderful and amazing they are? Why is that most Christians recognize these simple biblical truths and can't even begin to fathom their true depth and liberating freedoms.

I am saved by the blood of Christ. I am no longer that person I was before I was saved. I am a committed member of His army. Yet, for all that, I can never dedicate enough of myself to Him. Why? Because He gave it all for me. In crucifixion. I love my Jesus. I love my God. I love the Holy Spirit that dwells so powerfully in me.

My prayers are selfish right now. I should be praising Him for all that I'm blessed with, but all I seem to be doing is praying for an open door. One open door that would truly complete me. I will go wherever He sends me as long as He sends me with a certain person. That's the selfish girl inside of me talking. I should be praying for my future beloved. I should be praying for an opportunity to serve Him. I should be on my knees facedown in guilt begging for repentance. Yet, I'm at His table, blindfolded and not sure where the next step to take even starts.

My eyes have started to get tired. I've been sitting here for almost three hours and this is all that my mind has been able to bring forward. It started out as a blank page, yet now it has real substance. A conclusive statement. That statement? I need to be the soldier and the child of God I signed up to be. That's it. That's a lot, but that's it.

Turns out this page wasn't so blank after all.

Carry Me

Swinging from plastic church to tequila bar in the stars,
Looking for the next "something else"...
I can't help but feel a little lost,
A little left out of the proverbial picture.

From empty stares, and incomplete minds
Sacred sad stories and people hiding in lies...

There you were looking at me, with eyes of grace.
I always knew you were looking at me,
But never until now did I really see,
Just what kind of man you turned out to be,

You have the strength of a million men
Carry me Jesus, carry me
You have the love of above
Carry me Jesus, carry me
You gave it all for me
Carry me Jesus, carry me
I could not have been more blind
Carry me Jesus, carry me

Started to turn my back on you, promising that "This is the end"
Yet a divine tragedy put you in front of my face yet again.
You took my hand, led me from the liquid I so desperately sought
I fought and you never let me go,

You have the strength of a million men
Carry me Jesus, carry me
You have the love of above
Carry me Jesus, carry me
You gave it all for me
Carry me Jesus, carry me
I could not have been more blind
Carry me Jesus, carry me
Carry me Jesus, carry me

Lead me from my hypocrisy
Carry me Mercy, carry me
Lead me from temptation
Carry me Grace, carry me
Make this blind heart see
Carry me Love, carry me
Help me remember that You're the Holy,
Jesus, Jesus carry me.
Carry me, Jesus, carry me.

Creating That Old Time Melody

It's all about that old time melody for me lately. The ones of the 20's, 30's, 40's and 50's. Where originality still existed, where people consistently pushed the ear's boundaries and the world's limits. It seems like lately, especially in Christian music, there's nothing new. It's all the same, just repackaged in a different artist or resampled into a "live" version. While I seriously enjoy my Christian music and am to my core thankful for it, it's just, unoriginal. I know that corporate worship means just that corporate worship, where the chords need to be easily used around the world, and the melody lines precise yet "allowing of spontaneous worship". Seriously, the like's of Chris Tomlin, Paul Baloche, Lincoln Brewster, and Hillsong United have helped sustain me in my darkest hours. However the likes of Phil Keaggy, Jason Upton, Nate Sallie, and Family Force 5 are what moves me. They're people who push the intellectual boundaries and the spiritual levels up by multitudes with such great annointing from God. Just take a look at any of Jason Upton's lyrics and you'll see great uniqueness. Take a listen to Phil Keaggy's deliciously amazing guitar skills, you'll see His hands working through Phil's. You look at Family Force 5, who appeal across the boundaries of Christianity and the Secular with no abandon, bringing in the most devout of Christians, and the most devout of Atheists alike. Then you take Nate Sallie who's stylish vocal talent paired with his ability to be as "likeable" as Chris Tomlin stays just indie enough to get away with it while infusing a great multitude of genres.

Corporate has the ability to lead a congregation, not a revolution. Music's gotta reach into the heart of the individual for revolution to happen. Revolutionary music starts back from the beginning, heavy in melody and accompanying deep harmonies and unique twists on the simple. Make it unpredictable, make the lyrics scream at the listener to move to action. Change the face of the church.

iHEARTrevolution. Hillsong's next project title. Let's see just what it can bring to my table.

I thank God for music every day. I thank God I am alive enough to hear what I've heard. I am praying to God to let me live long enough to hear the final trumpet call descend from heaven with a roar of flames.

Genuine Love Affair

I'm becoming more and more aware of one great big thing.

My relationship with Jesus is a genuine love affair. It's hot, it's heavy, it's scandalous, it's deep, it's raw, it's powerful, and it's real. So real I sometimes swear I feel his breath hot on my shoulder giving me the encouragement to go forward. There are times when I've truly felt a hand wrap itself around mine and felt the wind carry the comfort of my Saviour through my hair. I love my Jesus. I used to think He was all warm and soft and gentle and sweet. Rapidly my Jesus is turning into a warrior drenched in His blood He sacrificed on the battle field for my name. He's turning into my wonderful lover who teaches me a little bit more each and every breath. He's turning into my Great Commander upon a stormy sea. I hear His name resound in my head. I exalt His name wherever there is room to be heard. He is not just a representation of Love. He is not just a representation of Life. HE IS LOVE. HE IS LIFE.

He is the single-most thing that I'm grateful for. I am so blessed by Him. I am so blessed He walks my path with me. I love the raw emotion. I love the sometimes-quiet, sometimes-loud desperation I am called to. I am in a genuine love affair with Jesus Christ. His sacrifice is always bringing me back to my knees in front of His cross.

He never has left me and I didn't know why I thought he did. He will never leave me and I don't know why I thought He Ever would. I love Jesus Christ.

close your eyes

Close your eyes. Who knew that three little words could be such a deeply spiritual thing for me. Certainly not me. In efforts to start fulfilling my resolutions, I went to the gym today, am writing currently, and am about to spend my quality time with God before I drift off to sleep. Tonight the wind is blowing. I close my eyes and listen to the air move. It comes in tides, much like an ocean. It is really relaxing honestly. That's what I need to do in order to reconnect with my Lord. Relax. Actually going to the gym today was incredibly relaxing. I can't tell you why yet, but I can tell you that I'll be going way more often. There's this machine that simulates what a paddle-boat does and I believe that I could spend a long long time on that imagining that I really were in the middle of a quiet lake with the surface of the water as smooth as glass. Which brings me to another thought...

The ripple effect. As best I can define it is this. A ripple effect is where one small action creates much larger effect than originally was planned. Let's say you and your friend get into a really big fight. Say you say something that was totally uncalled for, but in the heat of the moment sounded completely rational. Your best friend retracts obviously hurt and you leave the conversation awkwardly. Next thing you know you're getting phone calls from other people saying how shallow and callous you are. Next, you're being univited to things. All that time, people take your side as well. Friends are forced against friends and then you feel extremely awkward. Not exactly how you thought that your little argument would go right?

My main thing is this: Be a part of good ripples not bad ones. More importantly, start good ripples all over the place. Next thing you know the entire world will have so many ripples of goodness that they'll all overlap. Meaning we'll have a world of currents and waves, but it'll all be to better eachother. Doesn't sound like such a bad deal does it?