From the top, to the stars...

Being a Christian in today's not-so-accepting realm is hard. That said, there's one thing that has been on my mind constantly since conference. I know it was only a couple of days ago but it was revolutionary to my faith. Completely. The message was "Count the Stars" and believe me, now I am. It's heartbreaking to see so many people struggling with their desires to get to the top. Ever since I've become a Christian, I've been striving for so much more than the top. I've been striving for the stars. Why? Because "striving for the top" suggests and actually finds that there is a limit to my faith. "Striving for the stars" however, is suggestive to the fact that no matter how long I keep going, I'll never see the actuality of His full glory.

I've been reading in Job lately. In the Contemporary English Version, Job 1:21 states this earthquaking statement. "We bring nothing at birth; we take nothing with us at death. The LORD alone gives and takes. Praise the name of the LORD!" Now, I don't have any idea how you responded to that, but let me give you a little bit, just a little, of how I did.

This simple passage conveys to me lots of truths. Let's start like this. It states that we bring nothing with us when we arrive, nothing with us when we go. Break that down even a little more by going in the middle of birth and death. Whatever we are given is given to us by the Lord. Nothing comes from any other source. Every birthday candle you blow out, every sunrise you see, and every grain of rice you eat. Then this passage goes on to say those very words. That said, he can also take away from you as well...

Be grateful for what you have. Be grateful. Not just on-the-surface grateful, but in the depth of your heart, grateful. Let this undeserved grace and mercy shower over you with deep gratitude. Offer up everything you are given back to Him in return. Watch the blessings grow. Watch the circle of love complete it's rotation...

This is why I no longer strive for the top, because I know He's gifted me with eternity. I didn't deserve it, I still don't today but the very least that I can do is strive for the stars. By sacrificially giving, loving people, surrounding myself in good people, going and serving in His name, and countless other ways I try to let God shine. Because He's the number one star in the velvet skyline.

Now, you can strive for the top honors. But really they're nothing compared to the honor of being beside God in heaven. Let your thoughts dwell upon that.

After hours...

God and I had what I can only define as an "after hours" conversation last night. It happened within my dreams. I was already restless, but I went through so many things in my dreams I got confused, very very confused. So confused I woke myself up and dropped to my knees to seek an answer as to what I had just seen. Was it a vision? Perhaps. Was it prophecy? Maybe. Could it have been completely made up by my mind to mislead me? Probably. The thing is, what I saw, what I felt, what I experienced within that dream sequence I woke up feeling. I know that is weird, but I woke up feeling like I'd lived it...

Even though I have no idea what went on in those dreams. I don't remember. I don't remember...

With that said I was led to a song. With some of the most desperate lyrics I've ever heard. I know I'm always digging deeper into music, and experiencing new things, but there are very few songs that can bring me so much conviction...

BarlowGirl- I Need You To Love Me

Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been...

---

I fear that as much as I run to God in ways, I run equally away in other ways. I don't know how to fully embrace the sacrifice. I don't know how to fully encounter the King. I don't know any more than the next theologian or the next homeless man on the street. All I know is my story, my life, and that He's always within it. I pretend that I'm holy, but really, I'm deep in sin. I have good days, and I have horrible ones. I just want His love in the end of it all. Salvation is right in front of me always, and I have to learn that. I have to come into contact with Him. I have to continue to develop a deeper relationship always...

2 Samuel 22:17-19

17 He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.

18 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.

19 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.

He rescues me. He rescued me. He will continue to save me. Why do I deny it?

Psalm 148

1Shout praises to the LORD!
Shout the LORD's praises
in the highest heavens.
2All of you angels,
and all who serve him above,
come and offer praise.
3Sun and moon,
and all of you bright stars,
come and offer praise.
4Highest heavens,
and the water
above the highest heavens, come and offer praise.
5Let all things praise
the name of the LORD,
because they were created
at his command.
6He made them to last forever,
and nothing can change
what he has done. 7All creatures on earth,
you obey his commands,
so come praise the LORD!
8Sea monsters and the deep sea,
fire and hail,
snow and frost,
and every stormy wind,
come praise the LORD!
9All mountains and hills,
fruit trees and cedars,
10every wild and tame animal,
all reptiles and birds,
come praise the LORD!
11Every king and every ruler,
all nations on earth,
12every man and every woman,
young people and old,
come praise the LORD!
13All creation, come praise
the name of the LORD.
Praise his name alone.
The glory of God is greater
than heaven and earth.
14Like a bull with mighty horns,
the LORD protects
his faithful nation Israel,
because they belong to him.
Shout praises to the LORD!

--

Perhaps this is my new anthem. My song of praise. I don't live in Israel, but I am one of His people. His faithful. His lovers. I am so proud to be a lover of Jesus Christ. Here in this moment. I know my ways and I know my rhythms, but God has them planned. Even in my struggles to find "the way" he has written my story or the chapter that I'm in I know that my destiny is planned. For that, I should be thankful for. For that, I should always remember Him. Always.