As much as I sit here questioning the realness of Jesus Christ and the reality of God, you'd think I would have gone atheist a long long time ago. Heck if not as drastic as atheism, even agnostic would have been too far away.
I don't know why I'm questioning it so much lately, I never have before. Is it because I've become complacent? Chances are good. Chances are very good that I have. I don't like complacency. Is it natural? Sure. Even the most passionate of people get complacent within their fields for short times. Yet somehow they work through it and find the realness, the rawness of their passion. I know I have it somewhere, somewhere locked within this tired person.
I am so thankful for my Jesus. I am so thankful that I have a Creator. I know that and I will never go back to the time before I got saved. I spent too much time getting hurt and hurting other people. I love to live for others now. I strive to make sure everyone I know is constantly doing well. I strive to show my Creator just how much I love him. Whether through using this written gift, my vocal gifts, or whatever else he chooses to bring forth. I sink a little deeper under the covers as I write this. I am so thankful I have a warm bed and a loving family to call my own. The blessings of God upon my life are great and very close between.
I'm not going back. I just wish I wasn't questioning doing so. It scares me that I am. My heart knows the realness of God, my logical mind tells me that there's no way it's true. It's dangerous. But I'm not going back.
NOT. GOING. BACK.
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