Wish the tears away.

Sitting here, trying to watch the sunset in front of me
I can't begin to trace the meaning that you bring
I just wanna hold your hand your hand in mine
Change the face of time.

I lay in the grass trying to wish the tears away
But I can't because everywhere I look there you remain
Even in the shadows I can hear your name resound
I'm so lost, and I'm just trying to be found.

--

You. Yes, you. You broke my heart last night. I hope you can live with that for the rest of your life. I hope and pray that I let you go for the right reasons. I wanted you so badly, I want you so badly. I just need to let you go.

Lie To Me

Lie to me just once more
Tell me that I'm pretty one more time
Find my heart and mend it carefully
Hold my hand in yours, let's walk the line
In the sand, feel the sun on our shoulders,
You are everything to me,
Everything, won't you lie to me, just one more time.

Sun drenched kisses, and rain soaked dances
Were they all in vain, or is that just you?
Lie to me. Please, just one more time.
Lie to me. Let's take back time.

This Christmas..

This Christmas is slowly and surely turning into a Christmas like I have never known. Our normal family tradition is messed up completely. Some of my closest and best friends are leaving for the entire holiday season. None of the friends that normally come back home are making that journey back this year. I am deeply sad by all this. I know that when the week of Christmas does come that I will be excited and that I'll really appreciate all that Christ has done for me just that little more than usual...

Yet, tradition is tradition, and I do believe that my entire tradition has been sacrificed this year. It doesn't entirely make sense to me, although I am extremely excited to see the few people I will be seeing. Anyways,...

I got to writing last night. It was only a little stanza, but I really enjoy it because I think it reflects how I feel about things right now perfectly. Here's that stanza...

Crazy is my heart as I dive into you
Breaking the mold as I fall into step
Glorious love resounding intrinsically
Silhouettes cast, laying side by side
Forgetting the past, faithful to the future
Awesomely praising raw passion
We are like one tonight...

I just wish he got it. After all the sun's about to set and the sky will be getting very dark soon.

Falling Free

Falling free
Offering all of me
Falling free
Head first into majesty

It's not who I was, but
It's who I am and it's
All because of the Lamb
Whose blood came to redeem

So I lift up my voice and
I proudly proclaim
That I follow the lead
of Him, Most Holy

and I'm falling...
Falling free...
Offering all of me
Falling free
Head first into majesty

the sunset

the sunset turns to fire/ competing with the tides of hell
whoever will win this battle/ time will surely tell
rage on mother earth/ reveal your darkest demons to me
for with the One above/ i will take them all from thee
destroy these demons i will/ because with Him i have the power
i can see you from up on high/ in my God-protected tower
the thunder pounds like fists/ the lightning glints like steel
the forests are ablaze/ with the heat i can not feel
the rivers start to flood/ their banks becoming weak
the earth strongly shakes/ but you still think i am meek

what is now happening/ the sunset returning to calm
the heat you've sent to me/ i crush it in my palm
are you giving up/ or even giving in
realizing what i am/ and that is stronger than your sin
wait what is this i see/ the clouds disappearing
i am no longer seeing flashes/ thunder i am not hearing
the fires are subsiding/ i see you begin to fall
you've fought so hard so long/ in your strain you begin to crawl
the river banks are seen once again/ you now realizing who is stronger
the ground beneath me halts/ here i am still standing in God's armor

I have beat your games/ Seen your fiery lair
I know I played it well/ so don't go saying that it is not fair
but i take no credit/ for the greater One is most deserving
he is up there in the heavens/ reveling in my courageous serving
and here on earth i dance/ dance with pride and joy
for i have learned a lesson/ i am not just a toy
from this day on to ease the darkness/ i will transform into a beaming torch
Light the way i will/ to the Father in Heavens porch
it took me perseverance/ it took me strength of 10,000 feet
but without the Lord Almighty/ I may as well be lying in defeat

Fading into Color, Fading into the Rainbow of You

Fading into color, past the world of gray
Fading into the rainbow, chasing the darkness away
Dancing among the hues
Painting with the reds, violets and the blues.

Captured in sunsets, washed away by darkness
Renewed by pure sunrises, brilliance and richness, abound.

Raindrops splash, fading the world to black and white
Clouds clear, sky a fresh sparkling new blue

A child's eyes, innocent and brown
Look upon his mother, a pure love found

Dew on the roses red
Awakened from unjust dead

Passionate tango dancers, the swirl in colors orange and gold
Dips, twists, he holds her, vowing never to let go.

The sinking melody line, paints the sadness inside
A change of key a change of heart
The color replaces the darkness, now fallen apart.

Beauty unchanging, color resounds.
Rhythm pulsating, chords resonate.

Fading into color, deceiving the world of gray
I'm fading into color, casting all of my fears away.

Create in me...

Here I am, in honesty
Seeking for you to create in me,
Once again, a fresh new faith,
That endures all.

---

Lately, things have been pretty short-handed in my writing, and I'm not exactly sure why, yet, I don't hate it. It's a new form for my writing. We'll see if it lasts. Normally, I like to really emphasize my writing, adding flowing lines of dramatic relevancy and deep introspections.

That said, I've been well the last few days. Things have been stressful, I've gotten extremely behind on several projects, but I have endured. I guess you could say that it's part of my ever evolving faith. I have realized that He will always follow me. Even in my errors. For that I fall to my knees in humility. I do not deserve His grace. I don't. He called me into His Kingdom just so He can love on me more. I just became a member of my first church. I am officially a member of Overlake Christian Church. I could not be happier with my selection. Though, I believe God has played a serious role in placing me there, I ultimately needed to make the decision and I did. I am so excited to see where it takes me. I'm so excited to where He takes the church. It is evident that we are making our mark in the local community. I can't wait to see what happens globally.

---

Become dependent on Him. It's what will truly set you free.

Carry Me

Swinging from plastic church to tequila bar in the stars,
Looking for the next "something else"...
I can't help but feel a little lost,
A little left out of the proverbial picture.

From empty stares, and incomplete minds
Sacred sad stories and people hiding in lies...

There you were looking at me, with eyes of grace.
I always knew you were looking at me,
But never until now did I really see,
Just what kind of man you turned out to be,

You have the strength of a million men
Carry me Jesus, carry me
You have the love of above
Carry me Jesus, carry me
You gave it all for me
Carry me Jesus, carry me
I could not have been more blind
Carry me Jesus, carry me

Started to turn my back on you, promising that "This is the end"
Yet a divine tragedy put you in front of my face yet again.
You took my hand, led me from the liquid I so desperately sought
I fought and you never let me go,

You have the strength of a million men
Carry me Jesus, carry me
You have the love of above
Carry me Jesus, carry me
You gave it all for me
Carry me Jesus, carry me
I could not have been more blind
Carry me Jesus, carry me
Carry me Jesus, carry me

Lead me from my hypocrisy
Carry me Mercy, carry me
Lead me from temptation
Carry me Grace, carry me
Make this blind heart see
Carry me Love, carry me
Help me remember that You're the Holy,
Jesus, Jesus carry me.
Carry me, Jesus, carry me.

hiding between reality and eternity

Hiding between the satin sheets is a promise to be broken
Hiding between the pages is a lie waiting to be told.

Hiding between my emotions insecurity breeds within me.
There's bridges to be crossed and bridges to be burned,
but where to go when the last bridge is the last bridge to cross?

When will I be okay, when will I let fear break me?
Is this really directed towards me, or a vent of emotion?

I'm tired of you living in my life, where there's nothing but tension,
Constantly on the rise.
I'm tired of being forced into yours, where you're losing the battles,
and the battle's always beating you.

Thank God, Thank God for telling me to go.
To me, you're now nothing but a solid shadow.
Goodbye dear friend.

Made to Love.

It's the early morning, just before sunrise and all I can think of is lost Love's surprises on this generation. The one that's staring me straight in the face with hearts full of ache and eyes straining for a hope they don't think don't deserve, but that they've earned without knowing it. That's when I remember this:

He's got so many surprises. Some are so uniquely small we learn them once and forget their deep importance. Some are so amazingly obvious, we overlook them. Only when a miracle happens do we stop and thank Him. What's worse, we blame Him faster than if we turn on a flashlight if something devastating happens. We don't use that flashlight when we feel like we're in the light, but as soon as the darkness wraps itself around our vulnerabilities, we search for that lightsource. Why not just stay in that lightsource all the time. It's an amazingly simple concept, that I even forget it from time to time.

We claim to be a Jesus-lovin' crew, but we forget His beloved as soon as we leave the pew. We don't act right; playin' with sex and drugs, all night. Yet Sunday comes and comes and comes again. So we can act for the congregation, complete with a few amens. If we're really going to make a change, we've gotta lay the sins on His table. Gotta let Him heal us until we're able. Temptation is a horrible reality, but what is compared to the All Mighty? Oh my my, oh heck yes, we're Heaven bound, I won't let this generation settle for second best.

Tell me girl, what's more satisfying? Laying in your bed, legs spread wide, with your pride long since lost, just because society told you that it was the only road to acceptance? Or knowing that the Father loves you, His precious daughter, and sent His Son down to release you to Him?

Tell me addict, what's more addicting? That needle in your vein, that has now scarred your arm so greatly you can no longer wear a short sleeve t-shirt without feeling shame? Or knowing there's a permanent high within a beautiful place called Heaven, his name coincidentally being Most High?

Tell me hypocrite, what's more satisfying? Living out a falsified life in which you've created on a stage that's so messed up you've even lied to yourself? Or knowing that as soon as you truly follow the pathway built for you things all of a sudden will work themselves out?

I'm guilty of sin, we all are. I won't let myself be guilty of standing around and doing nothing anymore. I'm done going along with saying 'things will be fine'. Because they will never be fine if they don't know they need to be fixed. So I'll break people, I'll break them so hard they won't know how to pick themselves up. They'll hate me, but I won't care. Then I'll send them to God through Jesus. Then they'll wake up, realize, there is light on the otherside of the wall they've built between them and Love.

Now, I need to learn the art of breaking. Now, I need to be broken in a few aspects of life. Now is the time to start that revolution.

A Shattered Case of Misconceptions.

I'm sorry if I ever misjudged you.
Even more so, I'm sorry if I ever put up a wall to lead you down those judgements.

The thing is, I am me. The thing is, you are you.
Why the hell did I play the Queen when I should have played the fool.

For me a poetic license hides truth. Or does it reveal inconsistencies of my own or yours?
Drenched in sweat, plagued in fear.
Will you figure me out? Will I figure you out?
Will I figure me out?

Baited breath, I sit in the sun.
The smell of coffee, and raspberries flood my senses.
The resolve of love, loss, gratitude, grief fill my eyes.
How I enjoy the sun.

A shattered case of misconceptions.
A table filled with immaculate mysteries.
I'm so sorry, I misjudged you.
You, forgiven. You misjudged me.

I have a burning questions. Ones so deeply within.
What if what I wanted was the plate-glass misconception?
What if the person I really am isn't the one you really wanted?

We both lay down in the velvet depth of night.
We're both just a shattered box of misconceptions.