Mystery Part III

I guess this has become a series of sorts. I thought it was just going to be a thought in passing but I'm convinced that this Jesus that I love so deeply and fully is truly the biggest mystery I've ever come to know or will ever know...

Alright, so you're wondering about the picture of the candle. Well, here's where I start in my late night assertions about my faith. As far as my salvation story goes, it almost literally started with the smallness of a candle flicker. Granted, I was inside of the Rose Garden in Portland with about 15,000 other believers or questioners. At the time, it just felt like a little flutter in my laid upon my soul, but now I know what that flicker was. It was the flicker of a newly found hope, a newly found trust, and a new response to a brand new relationship. I was so compelled that weekend. I don't want to label myself, especially in glorification, but I think I left with the fullest heart of all the attenders. Why? Because that flicker went straight into this full out fire. No slow transition here.

The real mystery here is how God calls people into His Kingdom. He calls them by name. He whispers to them in a dream. He shouts their name as they overlook a sunset. He loves them when they think they're unlovable. As I mature, I'm amazed by just how diverse the salvation stories are. Pastors' kids who naturally grew up with faith and followed faithfully. Pastors' kids who naturally grew up, rebelled, and found Him again on their own time. People who find Him at big events and small events alike... It's a mystery that He programmed us to have different reactions to the call to faith.

Lately, my fire's not so much left my heart, it's just changing. It's rearranging. It's amazing. I have so much hope. I have so much faith in my God that sometimes He needs to do that. He has helped me break out of my routine thought process. He's helped my core to re-evaluate who I am. He's let me come into balances that I didn't think I needed...

And I throw it back to those wonderful first moments of my faith... When my candle transformed into a full-fledged firestorm of passion, praise, and pursuit of answers and of Him. I can't believe just how small that flame needs to be for Him to be able to get along side it and send His breath as wind to fan it into a raging blaze.

It's such a mystery, stay tuned. I'm sure this series isn't over yet.

Mystery Part II

Continuing on about the mystery of God I have landed on a point that some would call obvious. We are so deeply wired to be part of healthy and fulfilling relationships. That said, we're also deeply called to usher people closer to His kingdom. I can't even imagine myself not being in community, and I mourn for those who close themselves out intentionally. What the mystery to me is just how we connect, and how random these connections are. I take my three closest friends as examples. My best friend I met because I just had to tell someone that the music theory teacher was pretty good looking. My closest guy friend I met in an online fan community. My other really great guy friend, I met at a summit at my church. Three very different circumstances, but the relationships are all very vital to my success in life. These three beautifully constructed meetings have done so much for me. They encourage me, they lift me up, they provide for me, they laugh with and at me, they help me, and most of all, they continually help me to remember that God's love for me is real. Why? Because they selflessly represent Christ to me. I think the biggest thing that shows me this is that they all know my imperfections and they love me even more for them...

I deeply believe in the "divine appointment" theory. Yet, I don't understand just how we in our beings gather the courage to reach out. At the time when I met my best friend, I hadn't really any intentions of really branching out and getting to know her, or anyone in that class for that matter. Yet, something deep within me urged me forward to speak to her. My first impression was probably a little wacky, but I still did it. To this day I'm glad that my longing out played my fear. It was close, but it was totally worth it to have the five seconds of awkward laughter. Why? Because now, I've gained a lasting sister. The way I introduced myself to the guy I met at my church was telling him that he had really spectacular teeth. What did I get out of that? I got around five or ten minutes of awkward talking and it has forged the way for what is now one of my most foundational relationships ever. It's definitely still a mystery as to why I felt that compelled to talk to them. It's more of a mystery that they would experience that undoubted awkwardness and work through it...

I could keep going, but I need to rest my head, it has reached it's current thinking capacity.

Mystery

The mystery in Jesus Christ. It's not easy to explain, it's not easy to comprehend, it's just plain complex. He has done, is doing, and will do so much for this great planet if we would just surrender our all to Him. I proclaim that I will let Him work within me so that I can work among the world to show them the way. Anyways, it's just unfathomable how He lived for me, for you, for our failings, for our triumphs, for our joys, for our sorrows. What is harder to understand or grasp is this... He DIED, no, not lived... DIED for those very same things. Then He rose again, to prove that He was in fact the Messiah that God has sent from Heaven to Earth to save His people.

I am so blessed that I get to experience this earth. I am so blessed I have a Savior who sacrificed it all just to show me the real meaning of living life. I am so blessed that He has given me the mystery of His presence to fall more and more in love with. I am blessed He has given me spiritual gifts that are unique to me and me alone. I am blessed He gave me music. I am blessed that He has given me a family and friends circle that appreciates me. All by great mystery, I am blessed...

What a wonderful mystery.

Don't let yourself be hurt this time...

Don't let yourself be hurt this time
Don't let yourself be hurt this time

Then I saw your face
Then I saw your smile

The sky is still blue
The clouds come and go
Yet something is different
Are we falling in love?

Don't let yourself be hurt this time
Don't let yourself be hurt this time

Then your kiss so soft
Then your touch so warm

The stars still shine bright
The mountains still high
Yet something is different
Are we falling in love?

Falling, falling
Falling, falling in love
Falling, falling
Falling, falling in love

--

These song lyrics probably define how I feel about my situation with the boy lately. I am confident that time will tell all and I sit here patiently waiting that time when the final answer is revealed to me. I heed His call and I am to follow His will. I don't mind no, I love yes, but this wait is hard. I have a feeling that a brighter tomorrow is on the horizon. I'm just excited to see it, to feel it, to grasp it between my fingertips. I have new found passion for my writing, so be prepared to be rocked, and rocked frequently.

It's simple:

In order to honor Christ, we must believe in Him.

Last night at church wasn't revolutionary necessarily, but it transformed my basic knowledge of discipleship. John Bevere spoke of the basic knowledge that we should all have about Christ, but he put back into play the eternal aspect in a way I'd forgotten about. Now, looking at the church in general, I believe we've forgotten it as an entire generation. We put a lot of focus into Jesus, and His going up on the cross for our sins, but we forget that it doesn't end there. We forget that He ROSE up off that cross and ascended into heaven for all eternity. We forget that if we live our lives as true disciples with selfless faith that we as well are focused on the eternal and the little things we do now that compromise our integrity add up to a huge mistake later on down the road. Alright, so it was revolutionary. I'm still processing it actually.

Association: The Basics

Here's the short and sweet of the association you have. Association is just an eloquent way of saying the simplest thing. It's who you hang around with. It's who you spend your time with. It's who you call. It's who you live with. The funny thing is, no matter what, you are what you are around. You have people in your life consistently in jail, you're more than likely to end up there too. No matter how hard you try not to, you make small compromises until you come to the end of the road that you didn't want to be on in the first place.

There's good news here though. It's dissociation. You see, you can eliminate those people who compromise your integrity and value. You can choose to find positive and uplifting people who would rather see you excel versus fail. Hanging around with people who go to jail like it's the grocery store are not the people you want in your main circle of influence if you're trying to get out of jail. It's people who are doing well in life and have stability that you want to get around.

I hear from people frequently that they're not happy and that life always seems to be full of unnecessary drama. Then I take a deeper look at their association and I see people of similar mindset playing the biggest role on their own attitude. Even more interesting is that they have tons of positive people on the fringe, just waiting for things to break to sweep in and save the day. If they just moved those people to their closest circle, they'd be so surprised how quickly their lifestyle would change. SO surprised. I was. I am a testimony to that. I never had a friend in jail, but I had friendships and relationships that compromised my core identity and I didn't get rid of them, but I dissociated with it. It's been a wonderful transition for me that has given me a fresh start. Every day since April 26th of this year I've woken up with purpose. Woken up with value. Woken up feeling wanted and loved and desired. It's remarkable...

If this relates, check your association closely. Stick with the ones who build you up, let go of the ones that break you down.

Doesn't it hurt...?

Doesn't it hurt when you come to the realization you invested so much in something, so much into a relationship with someone...

and you come to find that you don't make the grade. That you don't make the final cut. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, but the more I really grasp it, the more I think about how much I make this person a priority, not because I have to, but because I want to, and how they don't even consider me a part of their friends and good times. It honestly hurts me. I feel like crying insanely hard right now. I probably will later on just so I don't feel so tense and bottled up. Seriously though. This person says one thing, we have GREAT times, and I'm not even associated in their life outside our friendship.

It really, REALLY, hurts. I guess you learn the hard way sometimes. I love my connection with this person more than anything but it is worth it if I don't feel like I'm actually valued?

I don't want anything more than a solid friendship, a phone call, a true thank you for continually making my schedule mold to theirs, and genuine appreciation. It's not hard. It's a simple investment of a little bit of time. I just don't understand.

I'm not selfish, I'm just standing up for what I believe should be a decent friendship. I don't feel like it truly is. It's even got me thinking a horrible thought. That thought is right now I'm awfully close to leaving my opportunity because of it. My opportunity has become my passion and I really really want to see it grow, to see me grow, but I don't know how when the person who is supposed to be there with/for me the most, doesn't see me as what I thought they did.

I'm breaking down.

Late Nights and Veggie Crisps

I just spent four hours on the phone with the most beautiful, most wonderful, most spectacular person in the world. A friend that I haven't heard from in years. He and I traipsed our memories together and apart. He and I caught up on current life events, including the birth of his new baby girl Jordana Ashlee. He's raising this little girl all by himself because the mom has since passed on. He is moving back from Chicago sometime within the next few months. I think I would absolutely love that. This little girl has the best dad in the whole wide world. The way he talked about her is the way that I want my husband to praise our daughters and sons...

Anyways, the re-connection was incredible. He was nothing like I'd remembered him, but so much more. He found a faith in God. He found a love for life. He got the most wonderful little girl.

Anyways, it turned out to be a way late night, and I ate my way through a whole bag of Veggie Crisps, but I honestly don't care. It was probably one of the best phone conversations I've ever had with anyone. When he moves, I can't wait to be a part of his life, and little Jordana Ashlee.

Now, I go out in search of coffee and a sunrise. Even though I doubt the sun will peek through the clouds, but you know what? I'm alright with that. The sun kind of came out even in the darkest part of the night for me tonight.

God is good.

After the Glow Has Faded

You know the glow I talk about. It's that glow of a brand new friendship. It's that glow of a wonderful new beginning. Eventually that glow fades and a comfortable perfection takes its place.

Well, lately, there's been this friendship in my life that this glow has yet to fade. It still feels like that first cup of coffee that we shared on that day deep in the heart of March. It still feels like that smile that we exchanged in the hallways of my church during a musician summit. With that though, it has also achieved that comfortable perfection that I have only shared with three other people ever in my life. This person has helped me open my eyes. Not just a little, but fully awake and aware...

I am so thankful God has blessed me so deeply. I am so thankful.

In other news, I've been praying to God a lot about my jealous heart that has recently come out. I have no reason to feel jealous about anything or anyone yet I find myself deeply jealous. It's not cute. I am not a fan of myself when I get like this. Join my battle? Be on my prayer team?

Casting...

Okay. Are you ready? I am about to explain one of my most comically accurate anecdotes to you. Sit down, relax, it's potentially going to make you laugh or it is potentially going to make you think. Perhaps even both. Buckle up. Either way, it's going to be a ride.

If life was a musical, I would honestly be the stage. I know right? It's already a laugh. I say this because I have found out from more than one avenue that I am foundational. I don't play a part, I am the platform for where others gather their courage and shoot it out into this wide world. I don't construct the set, I am the rock that the scene takes place from. I am not in the sound booth, working the rigging, playing with the lights, or fine-tuning the finished product. I don't make the programs and I don't take up a seat in the audience (very often). I am the structure that all the fun revolves around. I don't create it, the actors do, but I maintain it and I believe I do a wonderful job doing so. I can recite every line of every song because I have been through the learning process with the actors. I know where each prop should be and when exactly it should be used. I know who's up there making the final product sparkle. I know who's in the audience, which ones are impressed, and which ones are looking for the exit. I am stability. I'm never failing. An actor can break character, a set can fall over, someone could miss a lighting cue, someone from the audience could heckle, but me, I'm firm, I'm strength, I sustain. I'm there for the actor to briefly look down at and collect their thoughts again. I'm there for the piece of set to fall down on and have something to catch it. I use the sounds and lights all around me to help emphasize the beauty in the acting and stage set up...

Not only do I get to see that play or that musical. I have seen every musical or play that has crossed my stage. I'm not a director who comes and goes with a better play. I'm not an actor who sees a bigger paycheck and flees. I'm not a set, I'm never changing. I may have been refinished, or a new coat of paint put on me, but I still see what has been and what is to come.

Don't get me wrong. Each role is integral to the success of a play, but I take a slight edge pride about mine. I get to see, I get to feel, I get to be a part of every show. I get to be the platform people use to launch their passionate journeys.

I am the stage. What role do you play?

defined by my criminal state-of-mind.

I will not be defined by my criminal state of mind.
I will not be defined by any social statistic.
I am who I am. I am not who you want me to be.
I will call you back, just to be nice.
I won't fall in love with you, just because that's what you want.
I won't.
I will break beyond the limits, into limitless.
I will wear my lip gloss and I will wear it with no shame.
I will.
So we had a great night, but that's where it ends.

Where you find yourself...

I never thought I'd admit this, but I feel at this time in my life that it has finally become time. If I hadn't been raised in the Snoqualmie Valley, I would never have really gotten to know myself. I know myself now because I spent many days in the summer sun or the fall rain with a cup of coffee and thought. I thought a lot. Not just the whimsical things, but the truly deep and poignant things. Often those thought processes started with questions. Deeply theological or psychological questions at that...

Anyways, I found myself there, but today over lunch with a friend I found another part of myself. I always knew there was a reason for why I care so much. That reason is stability. I had so much of it growing up, but a lot of people don't. I have a mom, and a dad. I have a mom and a dad who just celebrated twenty four years of marriage. I have a brother who loves me. I have a brother who is my whole world. I have never moved around. I have always had a really great close friend circle. I've been provided for. I've been loved continually. I've been so blessed...

Back to the point. People need stability as much as they need water I believe. It's part of the human structure. We need a certain level of stability in order to, well, maintain order. Without a little routine and a little steady pace, stress occurs, or the opposite occurs, laziness. The problem with society today is we're heavily programmed to be spontaneous and extremely flexible with the world around us. While that's just fine on a basic level (like making last minute Friday night plans), I think it's difficult to be expected to live on everyone else's schedules. That said, we all do that. We are all trying to be flexible all while the people around us are doing that same thing. Eventually the flexibility becomes stressful because there's no routine, there's no structure.

I am a firm believer in routine because it provides a core. It defines where and how we function at our best. That way we can take experiences that fall outside of that routine and see how they stack up with our best self, or our best effort. There's always a learning process...

Where do you need routine? Where do you need structure? Where are you lacking in follow through? What's keeping you from maintaining good habits?

Answer those questions and you might be surprised where you find yourself. I definitely was.

Let the rhythm get under your skin.

I seem to be in the world lately. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad at all, but I've definitely been doing things a little differently lately. Such as writing this song...

-- Rhythm Under Your Skin --

Boys looking fly, girls looking fine
Music's pumping, we're standing in line
A flash of a smile and we're inside
The beat is pulsating, my hips start to grind

I look at you looking at me,
I can see you're nervous
Take my hand, lead me to the floor
I'm gonna show you my world and so much more

Let the rhythm get under your skin
Let the rhythm really sink in
Don't be afraid to lose control
Get a little bit closer
Whisper deeply into my ear
Tell me all the things that I wanna hear
Please be mine, just this one night.

Cameras are flashing, it's one in the morning
It's time to shut it down, time to get going
Where ever you lead, boy that's where I'll go
Until the sun rises, then no more

Take the rhythm, let it sink in
Take the rhythm, capture it within
Let the melody consume your soul
Listen to that bassline, it's calling...

When Something is Easy

If there's really such a thing as a self fulfilling prophecy, this is definitely one of them. Straight from the pages of one of my many old journals:

-- When Something is Easy --
January 18th, 2007

So, here it is, just into another new year. Eighteen days have gone by and as each one goes by and I feel like I fall a little bit further into something bigger than I can even comprehend. I know it's definitely Christ who is working within me, but I don't know why. He's setting me up for something great. I'm finding my eyes are opening up and I'm seeing things differently. I'm finding my perspective shift is a lot more drastic than I could imagine. I'm waking up with fresh dreams, not stale ones.

I definitely have my shortcomings but I know that I'm flawed because He wants me to be. I'm meant to find something that fixes the flaws, or fills the gaps. Let me tell you, whatever is coming, it's big. It's beyond just the slight earthquake deep in the heart. It's something comparable to a big tremor that shakes heart, soul, mind and body...

I'm being prepared to do great things. I'm being prepared to meet amazing people. I'm prepared to meet a core group of individuals who will help mold me into the successful person that I want to be. I'm going to be immersed in Christ in a whole new way soon. I am so exited for the pathway. It's going to be revolutionary.

That said, when something is easy, it's probably not worth the time. Now that's not to say don't try and succeed. I'm just saying the result will probably be less than desirable because you didn't have to work to be successful. You just had it handed to you. Whatever is on my horizon, I want to work for it. I want it to be something I cry, bleed, and sweat over. I want the challenge. I want a battle. I want to feel the fire on my cheeks. I want to feel like I just didn't get this handed to me like things have always been handed to me. I want to earn something for once in my life. I want it, and bad. Now, I just have to live up to the hype I'm setting for myself. I'm going to grab my vulnerabilities and race into the sunset and upon sunrise, wake up with a new purpose, a new vision, a new dream.

---

How's that for ridiculous?

Believe.

believe. believe. believe.

I need to do this. I'm failing. I need to believe in my destiny. I need to harness the power of my dream. I am so beside myself right now. I wish I knew what the outcome was. Actually, no I don't. I just want to know the thought process on the other side at this exact moment. I want to feel the love that I hope is there. I want to know my loyalty isn't in vain. I want to have it reciprocated in a big way...

I think there's potentially some repressed feelings here. That's another essay for another day though.

I just need to believe. I need to believe that things will work themselves out.

When you let jealousy invade...

I realized something today. Jealousy is stupid. Well, I knew that before. But what just happened today was absolutely entirely retarded. I wasn't just jealous (and believe me that is bad enough already), I was honestly and earnestly upset and disappointed and maybe even potentially angry. It's something I regret. After I gave my struggles and worries up to Him, I relaxed back into myself. I wish I could publicly speak out about the issue, but the thing is, I can't. It's just that lame. It's just that meaningless. It's just...

Oh how I wish I was actually important. How I wish it could be the way I want. How I wish I could really feel like I was a priority...

This is unfortunately the time of year when my depression surges, and it appears as if it's surging. This is extremely unfortunate. I'll make it out okay. I know I will.

Soaking in the Sun

Today was a perfect day. Spent with family, spent soaking in the sun. Spent just the way I wanted it. It's amazing how God hears what we have in our hearts and sends us into the situation we desire. It's equally amazing how much challenge I want in my personal life. I want to feel the heat of battle. I know I say this enough, too much in fact, but it's the truth.

Where's the fun in acquiring something with no work involved? Where's the sense of "Yes, I earned this!"? The celebration of achievement at that point becomes left behind...

I've had a whirlwind last few weeks, full of new and exciting challenges. Some in the sun, some in the inside of church walls, some while walking along the little alleyways in downtown Seattle. My mind has been really wrapping around structure again. My mind has finally landed on my causes. My mind is really engaging in these times of challenge.

There's so much this life has to offer and I really am excited for the day when I can say... "I earned this, I earned that, now let me pass it on." A lot of what I want is not really for me. It's for the people around me. It's for the many lives that I have and will impact. It's for the Kingdom. It's for the Son of the Father that I call God and Commander.

As I'm sitting here... I can't help but to think of the people who don't have dreams and mourn for them. My dreams are singularly the most important reasons I walk this earth. I have so much I want to get done for the Kingdom. I am His Daughter. I am in need of my Father. I need Him. I need His light. I need Him. It's all relative...

Anyways, I love you for reading this. I love you for being supportive. I love you for challenging me. I love you for you.

tensions rising, heart palpitating

Girl:
Look at you, looking at me. In those eyes, a brazen reality has been made known to me. I keep fighting for your love, but you don't have any to give. Look at you, tensions rising, baby, can't you see it? Look at me, heart palpitating, palms sweaty, knees weak, head is heavy. The strange thing is we're locked in on radar. Two missiles, one target. Mine seems to be going a little quicker, perhaps to a target made up in my mind. Your missile seems to determined to wait, take it slow. I don't understand. What we have is reality baby...

Boy:
Hey girl, don't you see, you need to step up, step off, step back, step to me. Baby, I need you, want you, hate you, love you. The way your skin feels on mine, I can't help but want more and more, but the way you play with my mind has me screaming NO. Touch my lips with your fingertips, just one more time. Let your inhibitions free. I'm just here to have a good time, but could it be that you are for life? I don't know what's happening to me. I just need space...

Girl:
Come on, what are you waiting for? The perfect time to not walk through that door? Right now we're in your court baby, the next move is yours. Yes, that's it, graze my thigh just one more time. Unleash the fire inside. I want you to feel like I feel. I want you to love like I love. I want you like I know you want me. So let's just stop this blatant hypocrisy...

Boy:
Damn girl, you played the card and you played it well. All I know is I wanna know where this is going but I think we've already gone too far. The lights in this place dim, and the heat between us rises, rises, hits the ceiling. Bodies all around, but the only one I'm focused in on is yours. You stare at me, your eyes calling me, begging me. But my mind's pulling me back...

Girl:
There you go, doing your stupid circles again. Dance up on me. Make me feel the temperature rise in this place. The lights are flashing, the beat is addictive, the liquor is free-flowing, come on now, take me on a ride. I know you want to, you know you want me. I take your hand, and pull it away. I can't describe my own denial inside...

Boy:
We just got close again, we just got close again. Just a little bit closer, because I can't breathe without you near me. I love the way you look at me. I take your hand, you pull it away. So close, so far, I just want to be in your heart completely. Girl can't you see, no matter how stupid I am, I've fallen for you entirely. Kiss me with those perfectly glossed lips just one more time. Our bodies aligned with the rhythm of the music. Our hearts aligned with the same beat...

Girl:
I can't believe it, I've given in. One hundred percent, you've locked me in. You lead me to the center of the floor. Baby, it's just the two of us in this crowded room. Pulsating rhythms, liquid seduction in both of our veins. Dip me low, low, lower. Grind me harder, faster, stronger. I want to feel our bodies dripping, sweating...

Boy:
My body's loving what you're serving. Girl, hypnotic, that's what you are...

Girl/Boy:
Faded to black, commercial break, this is where the censor comes in...

Orange Julius

It was a few days ago now, but I had one of the best days of my recent memory on Friday. I had beautiful wake up to sun rays beaming through the window, I grabbed my favorite cup of coffee in on the way to work, work went absolutely flawlessly, I got home and took a nap, then proceeded to take a wonderful shower, and then the real beauty of the day happened...

I got in my car, proceeded down the interstate 405 and ended up at Bell Square. Waiting for me was Andrew. We proceeded to have a beautiful dinner. We then walked around the mall. For the first time in what seems like years, there was no drama involved. It was just two people who happen to be friends and business partners sipping on Orange Julius, laughing and creating memories. I can't even recall the last time that I had a conversation with a friend that didn't involve any drama.

I'm so thankful for that. To the core of my being grateful. I needed that night more than I realized. I need nights like those more than I realize. I just need drama-free routine. That's it.

the sunset

the sunset turns to fire/ competing with the tides of hell
whoever will win this battle/ time will surely tell
rage on mother earth/ reveal your darkest demons to me
for with the One above/ i will take them all from thee
destroy these demons i will/ because with Him i have the power
i can see you from up on high/ in my God-protected tower
the thunder pounds like fists/ the lightning glints like steel
the forests are ablaze/ with the heat i can not feel
the rivers start to flood/ their banks becoming weak
the earth strongly shakes/ but you still think i am meek

what is now happening/ the sunset returning to calm
the heat you've sent to me/ i crush it in my palm
are you giving up/ or even giving in
realizing what i am/ and that is stronger than your sin
wait what is this i see/ the clouds disappearing
i am no longer seeing flashes/ thunder i am not hearing
the fires are subsiding/ i see you begin to fall
you've fought so hard so long/ in your strain you begin to crawl
the river banks are seen once again/ you now realizing who is stronger
the ground beneath me halts/ here i am still standing in God's armor

I have beat your games/ Seen your fiery lair
I know I played it well/ so don't go saying that it is not fair
but i take no credit/ for the greater One is most deserving
he is up there in the heavens/ reveling in my courageous serving
and here on earth i dance/ dance with pride and joy
for i have learned a lesson/ i am not just a toy
from this day on to ease the darkness/ i will transform into a beaming torch
Light the way i will/ to the Father in Heavens porch
it took me perseverance/ it took me strength of 10,000 feet
but without the Lord Almighty/ I may as well be lying in defeat

The Airport

You know what? I adore the airport. In all facets. I love watching reunions of separated soldiers and their families. I cry when I see a dad or mom leave their kids behind for an extended business trip...

I've been blessed to go on one trip this year so far. I went to Denver. That trip was laced in memories, both remembered and created. It's the first trip I've really taken on my own, and my goodness, it was exceptional. Minus the slightly confusing layout of Denver's airport, I had the best twenty-four hours...

Anyways, back to the airport life. I love getting up early to get there. I love the drive to the airport. It's about an hour, with no traffic, about twenty minutes longer with traffic. In that hour I pray that God guides my trip and places His wings on top of the wings on the plane. I shout His name to the music I'm listening to. I embrace the gorgeous sunrise that I get to witness. I get centered. I get prepared for the journey to teach me some new intricacy of life that I hadn't yet been exposed to.

I don't really know where this is going, other than the fact that I really want to fly again soon. Not even soon, I just want to fly frequently. I don't think I could ever get sick of flying. I should really become a flight attendant. That way I could at least be productive on flights. Well, reading God's Word is definitely important, but I want to contribute to the lives of others if at all possible...

I should really become a flight attendant. That may be the first time I've ever said that, or even thought that for that matter. Yet, somehow my heart really responds to that. How infinitely strange. Maybe I should investigate that possibility. I mean I would fly to many places for a living. I would constantly be interacting with people. I would be in a close-knit community of fellow flight attendants. It would be a great environment. I know it takes a certain mental edge and a lot of training but if I go at it with enough passion it could happen. Maybe I'll investigate the possibility...

I really am fascinated by airport. In fact, now that I really think about it, I want to incorporate myself into it. It seems like tonight has been a revelation.