As I've been writing consistently for about two weeks now I find some days that it is much easier to begin than others. Today was a real struggle to even complete these few sentences.
Creatively, I haven't been suffering lately, but it's the delivery that begs of better. I have so many grand ideas but no way to get them out of my head. It almost seems as if there's a great big disconnect. The hand is still writing just as always, the mind is still thinking just as always, but between the thought and the pen there is a void that I feel is deeper than the Atlantic Ocean...
That's the mystery of creative gifts. How strong they can be at times, and how non-existent they can seem in others. Prior to November I hadn't really written something solid or unique in several months. Granted I have quite the archive of napkin notes and phrases on receipts and half-written pages that I went back to for inspiration. No real new ideas have been given to my head to then place on the paper that I'm currently writing on.
I tend to think He does that so we remain thankful for the gifts and that we creatively don't drain ourselves and lose interest in our mastery. Which, in thinking, I did the first. I'd lost my thankful heart for being gifted with writing songs, poems, blog entries, you name it, I became very ungrateful. Not intentionally, it just kind of happens when you become comfortable with what you have. In fact, I'm not going to lie, He did take it away so that I could see just how necessary it is for me. It truly is my therapy. I don't think my gift is for the world at this point, but rather, it's my souls longing to be closer to Him but written out. Some have definitely read my writings, and some have definitely said that I am quite good and should pursue copyrights and get my material to book publishing companies and get some of my work out there, however, I feel as though it's for me, and me alone at this time. It's just a blessing if people find something relevant to their struggles within my writings. That said, I don't feel as if I should limit their abilities to receive the potential healing that my writings could provide. Then again, it is my unique writing so I feel like credit should be given where credit is due. To Him, for inspiring my thoughts, dreams, and actions. For placing in my heart goals, wishes, and aspiration. I take the earthly credit, but He deserves the eternal credit.
Overall, I am just thankful that I still have my gift and still get to actively practice it. I must remember to the Him for the gift much more often than I do. That my friends, is the mystery of creative gifts.
Showing posts with label mystery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mystery. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 23
Friday, November 28
Mystery Part V
I’m sitting here listening to a song that I so profoundly remember. Not because of its intricate beauty and cascading melody lines. Not because of the true depth of lyrics and carefully interwoven emotionally driven piano playing. I remember this song because of the moment I go back to, and the way God worked at my heart at that very moment...
We’re approaching the holiday season pretty quickly and that’s where this moment lies. It was the very first night of the Living Christmas Tree that my wonderful church used to put on during the holiday season. The purpose of the week long set of performances was to give the community a place to either remember the gospel that saved them, experience the gospel for the first time, join in fellowship, or find that first friend. Anyways, I was on the prayer team for the entire event, which actually started sometime in early October, if not September. Being on that prayer team transformed my prayer life. There was about eight of us. I was the youngest by twenty years, and the rest of them were “seasoned veterans” as I called them at the time. They all had rituals that inspired me, they had passion on their tongue that I craved to have. For the week prior to the performances I remember praying for revelation and revolution a lot. Little did I know what was coming my way that first night...
The acting was excellent, the humor was perfect, the gravity of the gospel prominently displayed, and then came the moment. A single male vocalist walks onto a darkened stage with fog gently rolling at his toes. Out comes the words that would beg my mind to begin to wrap itself around something it could not...
“Mystery, how He came
To be a man
But greater still
How His death was in His plan
God predestined that His Son would die
And He still created man
Oh, what love is this
That His death was in His hands”
This is mystery defined in a solitary minute in our world’s deep and intricate history. It was the first real thing that God challenged my heart with. I can not even fathom the heart of God for me. I can not even write on the pages of this journal just the depth of Christ’s love for me...
God, the Father, my Creator, my Author, my great Commander, my Adonai. He created me with a purpose in mind and He sent His Son in my name to make my path clear. He paved the way for my success with the generations before me. He planned my greatness before my grandparents had even thought about conceiving my parents who in turn thought of conceiving me. He watched His very own Son day in and day out taking cruel jokes and being physically abused and eventually sent up on the cross so that I may see each of my new days...
Jesus Christ, my Friend, my Savior, my Lord. He, day in and day out struggled for acceptance so that I may be accepted. It’s a mystery. He is bigger than my vocabulary. He is stronger than all the men on this earth. He is more wonderful than I can find the time to write. He died for me. People say that they’d take a bullet for you, but, Jesus, He took a lifetime of bullets for me, and He didn’t even begin to run away.
This is my mystery. My deeply structured mystery. Quite honestly, the more I think about it, the more and more deep it becomes, especially when you think about the fact that He’s coming back again to really shake things up.
We’re approaching the holiday season pretty quickly and that’s where this moment lies. It was the very first night of the Living Christmas Tree that my wonderful church used to put on during the holiday season. The purpose of the week long set of performances was to give the community a place to either remember the gospel that saved them, experience the gospel for the first time, join in fellowship, or find that first friend. Anyways, I was on the prayer team for the entire event, which actually started sometime in early October, if not September. Being on that prayer team transformed my prayer life. There was about eight of us. I was the youngest by twenty years, and the rest of them were “seasoned veterans” as I called them at the time. They all had rituals that inspired me, they had passion on their tongue that I craved to have. For the week prior to the performances I remember praying for revelation and revolution a lot. Little did I know what was coming my way that first night...
The acting was excellent, the humor was perfect, the gravity of the gospel prominently displayed, and then came the moment. A single male vocalist walks onto a darkened stage with fog gently rolling at his toes. Out comes the words that would beg my mind to begin to wrap itself around something it could not...
“Mystery, how He came
To be a man
But greater still
How His death was in His plan
God predestined that His Son would die
And He still created man
Oh, what love is this
That His death was in His hands”
This is mystery defined in a solitary minute in our world’s deep and intricate history. It was the first real thing that God challenged my heart with. I can not even fathom the heart of God for me. I can not even write on the pages of this journal just the depth of Christ’s love for me...
God, the Father, my Creator, my Author, my great Commander, my Adonai. He created me with a purpose in mind and He sent His Son in my name to make my path clear. He paved the way for my success with the generations before me. He planned my greatness before my grandparents had even thought about conceiving my parents who in turn thought of conceiving me. He watched His very own Son day in and day out taking cruel jokes and being physically abused and eventually sent up on the cross so that I may see each of my new days...
Jesus Christ, my Friend, my Savior, my Lord. He, day in and day out struggled for acceptance so that I may be accepted. It’s a mystery. He is bigger than my vocabulary. He is stronger than all the men on this earth. He is more wonderful than I can find the time to write. He died for me. People say that they’d take a bullet for you, but, Jesus, He took a lifetime of bullets for me, and He didn’t even begin to run away.
This is my mystery. My deeply structured mystery. Quite honestly, the more I think about it, the more and more deep it becomes, especially when you think about the fact that He’s coming back again to really shake things up.
Tuesday, November 25
Mystery Part IV
The human nature is sadly selfish. The mystery is how we choose to live it when we know this is true. I know that this is true, yet I still, no matter how selfless I pass a smile to a stranger, get some small boost in my own soul. That's the human condition.
I try consciously not to let that manifest into a full bloom ego trip. Yet so many others choose to let that manifestation occur...
In other news, my heart is open on a while new playing field today. My old wounds aren't affecting me and my present and future have me excited. That said I may have slipped back into my depression a little bit again. I don't necessarily like it, but it's where I learn a lot, and find that some of my best writings and thoughts happen. I'm hopeful that my open heart and open eyes are keys to the desperate writing my hand has been begging to do. Begging.
Seeking sunrises lately has seemed more a burden than a reward, yet I will continue to do so because He has called me to do so. Through these sunrises I am hoping to gain so many perspectives on the human condition. Through these sunrises I am hoping to gain so may perspectives on my own personal condition. See exactly where I stand after the dust settles.
I try consciously not to let that manifest into a full bloom ego trip. Yet so many others choose to let that manifestation occur...
In other news, my heart is open on a while new playing field today. My old wounds aren't affecting me and my present and future have me excited. That said I may have slipped back into my depression a little bit again. I don't necessarily like it, but it's where I learn a lot, and find that some of my best writings and thoughts happen. I'm hopeful that my open heart and open eyes are keys to the desperate writing my hand has been begging to do. Begging.
Seeking sunrises lately has seemed more a burden than a reward, yet I will continue to do so because He has called me to do so. Through these sunrises I am hoping to gain so many perspectives on the human condition. Through these sunrises I am hoping to gain so may perspectives on my own personal condition. See exactly where I stand after the dust settles.
Tuesday, September 30
Mystery Part III
I guess this has become a series of sorts. I thought it was just going to be a thought in passing but I'm convinced that this Jesus that I love so deeply and fully is truly the biggest mystery I've ever come to know or will ever know...
Alright, so you're wondering about the picture of the candle. Well, here's where I start in my late night assertions about my faith. As far as my salvation story goes, it almost literally started with the smallness of a candle flicker. Granted, I was inside of the Rose Garden in Portland with about 15,000 other believers or questioners. At the time, it just felt like a little flutter in my laid upon my soul, but now I know what that flicker was. It was the flicker of a newly found hope, a newly found trust, and a new response to a brand new relationship. I was so compelled that weekend. I don't want to label myself, especially in glorification, but I think I left with the fullest heart of all the attenders. Why? Because that flicker went straight into this full out fire. No slow transition here.
The real mystery here is how God calls people into His Kingdom. He calls them by name. He whispers to them in a dream. He shouts their name as they overlook a sunset. He loves them when they think they're unlovable. As I mature, I'm amazed by just how diverse the salvation stories are. Pastors' kids who naturally grew up with faith and followed faithfully. Pastors' kids who naturally grew up, rebelled, and found Him again on their own time. People who find Him at big events and small events alike... It's a mystery that He programmed us to have different reactions to the call to faith.
Lately, my fire's not so much left my heart, it's just changing. It's rearranging. It's amazing. I have so much hope. I have so much faith in my God that sometimes He needs to do that. He has helped me break out of my routine thought process. He's helped my core to re-evaluate who I am. He's let me come into balances that I didn't think I needed...
And I throw it back to those wonderful first moments of my faith... When my candle transformed into a full-fledged firestorm of passion, praise, and pursuit of answers and of Him. I can't believe just how small that flame needs to be for Him to be able to get along side it and send His breath as wind to fan it into a raging blaze.
It's such a mystery, stay tuned. I'm sure this series isn't over yet.
Sunday, September 28
Mystery Part II
Continuing on about the mystery of God I have landed on a point that some would call obvious. We are so deeply wired to be part of healthy and fulfilling relationships. That said, we're also deeply called to usher people closer to His kingdom. I can't even imagine myself not being in community, and I mourn for those who close themselves out intentionally. What the mystery to me is just how we connect, and how random these connections are. I take my three closest friends as examples. My best friend I met because I just had to tell someone that the music theory teacher was pretty good looking. My closest guy friend I met in an online fan community. My other really great guy friend, I met at a summit at my church. Three very different circumstances, but the relationships are all very vital to my success in life. These three beautifully constructed meetings have done so much for me. They encourage me, they lift me up, they provide for me, they laugh with and at me, they help me, and most of all, they continually help me to remember that God's love for me is real. Why? Because they selflessly represent Christ to me. I think the biggest thing that shows me this is that they all know my imperfections and they love me even more for them...
I deeply believe in the "divine appointment" theory. Yet, I don't understand just how we in our beings gather the courage to reach out. At the time when I met my best friend, I hadn't really any intentions of really branching out and getting to know her, or anyone in that class for that matter. Yet, something deep within me urged me forward to speak to her. My first impression was probably a little wacky, but I still did it. To this day I'm glad that my longing out played my fear. It was close, but it was totally worth it to have the five seconds of awkward laughter. Why? Because now, I've gained a lasting sister. The way I introduced myself to the guy I met at my church was telling him that he had really spectacular teeth. What did I get out of that? I got around five or ten minutes of awkward talking and it has forged the way for what is now one of my most foundational relationships ever. It's definitely still a mystery as to why I felt that compelled to talk to them. It's more of a mystery that they would experience that undoubted awkwardness and work through it...
I could keep going, but I need to rest my head, it has reached it's current thinking capacity.
I deeply believe in the "divine appointment" theory. Yet, I don't understand just how we in our beings gather the courage to reach out. At the time when I met my best friend, I hadn't really any intentions of really branching out and getting to know her, or anyone in that class for that matter. Yet, something deep within me urged me forward to speak to her. My first impression was probably a little wacky, but I still did it. To this day I'm glad that my longing out played my fear. It was close, but it was totally worth it to have the five seconds of awkward laughter. Why? Because now, I've gained a lasting sister. The way I introduced myself to the guy I met at my church was telling him that he had really spectacular teeth. What did I get out of that? I got around five or ten minutes of awkward talking and it has forged the way for what is now one of my most foundational relationships ever. It's definitely still a mystery as to why I felt that compelled to talk to them. It's more of a mystery that they would experience that undoubted awkwardness and work through it...
I could keep going, but I need to rest my head, it has reached it's current thinking capacity.
Tuesday, September 23
Mystery
The mystery in Jesus Christ. It's not easy to explain, it's not easy to comprehend, it's just plain complex. He has done, is doing, and will do so much for this great planet if we would just surrender our all to Him. I proclaim that I will let Him work within me so that I can work among the world to show them the way. Anyways, it's just unfathomable how He lived for me, for you, for our failings, for our triumphs, for our joys, for our sorrows. What is harder to understand or grasp is this... He DIED, no, not lived... DIED for those very same things. Then He rose again, to prove that He was in fact the Messiah that God has sent from Heaven to Earth to save His people.
I am so blessed that I get to experience this earth. I am so blessed I have a Savior who sacrificed it all just to show me the real meaning of living life. I am so blessed that He has given me the mystery of His presence to fall more and more in love with. I am blessed He has given me spiritual gifts that are unique to me and me alone. I am blessed He gave me music. I am blessed that He has given me a family and friends circle that appreciates me. All by great mystery, I am blessed...
What a wonderful mystery.
I am so blessed that I get to experience this earth. I am so blessed I have a Savior who sacrificed it all just to show me the real meaning of living life. I am so blessed that He has given me the mystery of His presence to fall more and more in love with. I am blessed He has given me spiritual gifts that are unique to me and me alone. I am blessed He gave me music. I am blessed that He has given me a family and friends circle that appreciates me. All by great mystery, I am blessed...
What a wonderful mystery.
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