feel; for one more day

As I sit here, it's 1:23 in the morning. I have no idea why I'm up. I went out tonight, but didn't feel like I normally do when I go out. In fact, I came back home early. I could describe it as a good night, but there was something unequivocally uninteresting about it. Perhaps it's because I didn't drink. Perhaps it's because I didn't really socialize. All I know is that I didn't feel it, at all...

Which worries me.

I'm such a social butterfly that getting a chance to go out and see a ton of people who are more than willing to talk back at me truly excites me. However, this night was about reconnecting with close friends, and remembering how incredibly blessed that I am to have them. Later on on what is now today, one more of these blessings comes in from his home in Baton Rouge. And later on tonight we'll be celebrating our friendship by going a million and one places in my beautiful Seattle hometown. Yet, tonight, I just wasn't feeling like doing that whole bar scene. I was so annoyed with it that I did, I made everyone get up, and come home at about 11:30. Here, where we're all on our laptops, sipping wine, flipping through photo albums, reminiscing on the pure moments, laughing at the dramas, singing to the music that brings us together, now this, this where I want to forever be with these wonderful friends. This is what feels right. Every one else even agrees that coming home was a great idea. This is content. This is pure. This is love.

At 2:45 tomorrow, a piece of the puzzle comes in, to complete it just a little bit more. I can't wait. I am so blessed that I call for help and the troops arrive. I know I'd do it for them in a heartbeat, and on the flip side, it's amazing to know that they do the same.

I think it would be awesome to live within the same eight blocks as these people, but it's nice that we're kind of spread out. Honestly. It makes the time that we do get to share together that much more special. I learn not to take it for granted. I learn that it's something unique. I learn the value of relationships. I learn how to maintain good communication. It's a really great set-up if you ask me. Yes, it's heartbreaking every time someone gets on a plane to go back home. Yes, it hurts when they start to pack. That's when I wish for one more day. For one more day of this sweet perfection. One more day of crazy conversations, sunset chasing, sunrise chasing, spontaneous coffee runs, midnight walks, and general excitement. It is then that I remember that either I'll be going to see them in a few months, or they'll be back in a few months...

Speaking of sunrises, we've just committed to seeing whatever sunrise we get this morning, while sipping champagne and eating waffles. Yes, because we're quirky, and yes, because that's how we roll, and yes, because we're perfect.

Wish the tears away.

Sitting here, trying to watch the sunset in front of me
I can't begin to trace the meaning that you bring
I just wanna hold your hand your hand in mine
Change the face of time.

I lay in the grass trying to wish the tears away
But I can't because everywhere I look there you remain
Even in the shadows I can hear your name resound
I'm so lost, and I'm just trying to be found.

--

You. Yes, you. You broke my heart last night. I hope you can live with that for the rest of your life. I hope and pray that I let you go for the right reasons. I wanted you so badly, I want you so badly. I just need to let you go.

Back in His arms again...

I've been dwelling in Him a lot lately. Sadly, it's been because I've been obnoxiously sick. I think that's why I got sick in all honesty. I haven't been dwelling in Him like I promised Him I would try to. I've been trying, don't get me wrong, but I haven't been trying to the way I promised.

The more and more I grow, the more and more I don't understand Jesus Christ. Honestly, with all those books on my shelf about Him, you think I'd be a scholar of the life He lived. Yet, the more I come into knowledge of Him, the more the wonder increases.

Here I sit, trying to justify my actions lately. My selfish, selfish actions. I am not someone I like very much right now, I'm going to be quite honest about that. It's terrifying really some of my thoughts. I'm working on giving them back. Because He is preparing the perfect things for me. I just need to wait. I need to stop trying to manipulate this situation. I am such a hypocrite in this moment. My second of all of my pet peeves is manipulative people, and right now I am one. That really doesn't make me feel very wholesome and driven as I'd like... I'm working with God on this. With Him I can and will be renewed, but I must seek it through Him and Him alone. He is everything. I am His chosen daughter and I need to get focused on His amazing possibilities in my life. I just want to be back in His arms again. Back in the Kingdom, because right now, I feel like I'm kind of a "rouge Christian."

Lie To Me

Lie to me just once more
Tell me that I'm pretty one more time
Find my heart and mend it carefully
Hold my hand in yours, let's walk the line
In the sand, feel the sun on our shoulders,
You are everything to me,
Everything, won't you lie to me, just one more time.

Sun drenched kisses, and rain soaked dances
Were they all in vain, or is that just you?
Lie to me. Please, just one more time.
Lie to me. Let's take back time.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow is January 20th, 2009. Tomorrow, our nation, our great, grand nation moves on. Moves forward. From what will be known as a failed presidency. We move forward with optimism in our steps, and our hearts heavy all the same. We have debt, we have wars, we have an economy unstable, we have a lot on our shoulders. In Barack Obama there is hope, even I, a relatively staunch conservative, can hop on board with. He is already shifting things. He's about community, not about communism. I don't believe that communism is where we're headed in the next four (or eight) years. I believe that healing is where we're headed. I believe we will see our wars come to a close. I believe that the American public will hold their heads high and their gait strong and swift.

I believe we have to trust this man, who tomorrow (today for some of you) on January 20th, 2009 becomes the President of the United States of America. I believe he is a fresh breath. I believe that even though my top candidate did not make the American public feel the same way, that he must be respected.

He has already been serving the community. In fact today he helped renovate a homeless boys shelter this morning. He's putting in honest elbow work...

January 20th, 2009. We believed in change and now we are living it. Through God's own will, we are living it. Now it's our turn to not only see the change but be the change.

In God We Trust. Welcome to the next four (or eight) years! Congratulations Barack Obama. With you, yes we can!

A long time ago...

A long time ago, I was asked to write about my ideal spiritual community. Alright, not write about it. But list ten words, ten words only, on how to describe it. I am going to do it again first before I look at my old list, just to see what I've moved on from, and what I want to remain the same.

the new list

1. Hungry
2. Thirsty
3. Worshipful
4. Humble
5. Devoted
6. Giving
7. Joyful
8. Disciplined
9. Reliable
10. Seeking

the old list

1. Unified
2. Devoted
3. Loving
4. Missional
5. Serving
6. Seeking
7. Faithful
8. Worshipful
9. Diverse
10. Humble

--

So the ones that stayed were Seeking, Humble, Devoted, and Worshipful.

It's proof that the dynamic of my faith has changed. I don't know, I just thought this was super interesting. Nothing deep or anything. That's for tomorrow.

Marketing Yourself Successfully in the Digital Age

Here's my first real attempt at a video. Please comment and tell me what you think. It would mean the world to know how you think I'm doing.