Stuck

I'm stuck. Not only physically at this very moment, but mentally and spiritually as well. There's a huge storm in this Northwest corner of the country at this point in time. It's already been icy and extremely cold here for an entire week, but alas the snow finally came today. Not just a little snow, but as much as several feet in places. We got between eight and nine inches here at my place tonight. Thankfully, I've been wrapped up in a lot of layers and I have several blankets and cozy spots to get comfortable in. It's amazing what a snow day can do to family morale. As much as I was dreading being stuck with them, it turned out to be okay. We went sledding, played cards, laughed, and prayed...

Anyways, as I was saying, I've also been extremely stuck mentally and spiritually because a disease called jealousy and a disease called desperation have collided within my heart. Not pleasantly, may I add. It's the worst feeling in the whole world to not only feel desperate, but to feel jealous within the same breath. I pray for a miracle every day. It's been the same miracle since late August, and I still haven't given up faith, even though every single sign tells me that I should. I refuse to believe that this pathway isn't the right one. There's too many things going for it. It just doesn't make sense. I wish I knew how to fight this. Well, let me correct that. I know EXACTLY what I need to do in order to fight this, but you see, I have this great big gap between my God and myself at this time. I know this would help to bring my heart a lot closer, but I'm scared that if I give it up to God, then I'll lose it. I also know that for my own sanity that I need to give it up to Him. See, I knew that writing this out would help me. It always does. I just don't understand how I go back into my cages as soon as I get "comfortable" with myself again. I limit my abilites greatly when I do that. Oh that sickens me so...

Anyways, things are going the best they can right now. There's not a lot I can do without leaving the perimeter of my household except grab a snowball and fling it as far as it will go...

Sounds exactly like what I need.