Mystery Part III

I guess this has become a series of sorts. I thought it was just going to be a thought in passing but I'm convinced that this Jesus that I love so deeply and fully is truly the biggest mystery I've ever come to know or will ever know...

Alright, so you're wondering about the picture of the candle. Well, here's where I start in my late night assertions about my faith. As far as my salvation story goes, it almost literally started with the smallness of a candle flicker. Granted, I was inside of the Rose Garden in Portland with about 15,000 other believers or questioners. At the time, it just felt like a little flutter in my laid upon my soul, but now I know what that flicker was. It was the flicker of a newly found hope, a newly found trust, and a new response to a brand new relationship. I was so compelled that weekend. I don't want to label myself, especially in glorification, but I think I left with the fullest heart of all the attenders. Why? Because that flicker went straight into this full out fire. No slow transition here.

The real mystery here is how God calls people into His Kingdom. He calls them by name. He whispers to them in a dream. He shouts their name as they overlook a sunset. He loves them when they think they're unlovable. As I mature, I'm amazed by just how diverse the salvation stories are. Pastors' kids who naturally grew up with faith and followed faithfully. Pastors' kids who naturally grew up, rebelled, and found Him again on their own time. People who find Him at big events and small events alike... It's a mystery that He programmed us to have different reactions to the call to faith.

Lately, my fire's not so much left my heart, it's just changing. It's rearranging. It's amazing. I have so much hope. I have so much faith in my God that sometimes He needs to do that. He has helped me break out of my routine thought process. He's helped my core to re-evaluate who I am. He's let me come into balances that I didn't think I needed...

And I throw it back to those wonderful first moments of my faith... When my candle transformed into a full-fledged firestorm of passion, praise, and pursuit of answers and of Him. I can't believe just how small that flame needs to be for Him to be able to get along side it and send His breath as wind to fan it into a raging blaze.

It's such a mystery, stay tuned. I'm sure this series isn't over yet.

Mystery Part II

Continuing on about the mystery of God I have landed on a point that some would call obvious. We are so deeply wired to be part of healthy and fulfilling relationships. That said, we're also deeply called to usher people closer to His kingdom. I can't even imagine myself not being in community, and I mourn for those who close themselves out intentionally. What the mystery to me is just how we connect, and how random these connections are. I take my three closest friends as examples. My best friend I met because I just had to tell someone that the music theory teacher was pretty good looking. My closest guy friend I met in an online fan community. My other really great guy friend, I met at a summit at my church. Three very different circumstances, but the relationships are all very vital to my success in life. These three beautifully constructed meetings have done so much for me. They encourage me, they lift me up, they provide for me, they laugh with and at me, they help me, and most of all, they continually help me to remember that God's love for me is real. Why? Because they selflessly represent Christ to me. I think the biggest thing that shows me this is that they all know my imperfections and they love me even more for them...

I deeply believe in the "divine appointment" theory. Yet, I don't understand just how we in our beings gather the courage to reach out. At the time when I met my best friend, I hadn't really any intentions of really branching out and getting to know her, or anyone in that class for that matter. Yet, something deep within me urged me forward to speak to her. My first impression was probably a little wacky, but I still did it. To this day I'm glad that my longing out played my fear. It was close, but it was totally worth it to have the five seconds of awkward laughter. Why? Because now, I've gained a lasting sister. The way I introduced myself to the guy I met at my church was telling him that he had really spectacular teeth. What did I get out of that? I got around five or ten minutes of awkward talking and it has forged the way for what is now one of my most foundational relationships ever. It's definitely still a mystery as to why I felt that compelled to talk to them. It's more of a mystery that they would experience that undoubted awkwardness and work through it...

I could keep going, but I need to rest my head, it has reached it's current thinking capacity.

Mystery

The mystery in Jesus Christ. It's not easy to explain, it's not easy to comprehend, it's just plain complex. He has done, is doing, and will do so much for this great planet if we would just surrender our all to Him. I proclaim that I will let Him work within me so that I can work among the world to show them the way. Anyways, it's just unfathomable how He lived for me, for you, for our failings, for our triumphs, for our joys, for our sorrows. What is harder to understand or grasp is this... He DIED, no, not lived... DIED for those very same things. Then He rose again, to prove that He was in fact the Messiah that God has sent from Heaven to Earth to save His people.

I am so blessed that I get to experience this earth. I am so blessed I have a Savior who sacrificed it all just to show me the real meaning of living life. I am so blessed that He has given me the mystery of His presence to fall more and more in love with. I am blessed He has given me spiritual gifts that are unique to me and me alone. I am blessed He gave me music. I am blessed that He has given me a family and friends circle that appreciates me. All by great mystery, I am blessed...

What a wonderful mystery.

Don't let yourself be hurt this time...

Don't let yourself be hurt this time
Don't let yourself be hurt this time

Then I saw your face
Then I saw your smile

The sky is still blue
The clouds come and go
Yet something is different
Are we falling in love?

Don't let yourself be hurt this time
Don't let yourself be hurt this time

Then your kiss so soft
Then your touch so warm

The stars still shine bright
The mountains still high
Yet something is different
Are we falling in love?

Falling, falling
Falling, falling in love
Falling, falling
Falling, falling in love

--

These song lyrics probably define how I feel about my situation with the boy lately. I am confident that time will tell all and I sit here patiently waiting that time when the final answer is revealed to me. I heed His call and I am to follow His will. I don't mind no, I love yes, but this wait is hard. I have a feeling that a brighter tomorrow is on the horizon. I'm just excited to see it, to feel it, to grasp it between my fingertips. I have new found passion for my writing, so be prepared to be rocked, and rocked frequently.

It's simple:

In order to honor Christ, we must believe in Him.

Last night at church wasn't revolutionary necessarily, but it transformed my basic knowledge of discipleship. John Bevere spoke of the basic knowledge that we should all have about Christ, but he put back into play the eternal aspect in a way I'd forgotten about. Now, looking at the church in general, I believe we've forgotten it as an entire generation. We put a lot of focus into Jesus, and His going up on the cross for our sins, but we forget that it doesn't end there. We forget that He ROSE up off that cross and ascended into heaven for all eternity. We forget that if we live our lives as true disciples with selfless faith that we as well are focused on the eternal and the little things we do now that compromise our integrity add up to a huge mistake later on down the road. Alright, so it was revolutionary. I'm still processing it actually.

Association: The Basics

Here's the short and sweet of the association you have. Association is just an eloquent way of saying the simplest thing. It's who you hang around with. It's who you spend your time with. It's who you call. It's who you live with. The funny thing is, no matter what, you are what you are around. You have people in your life consistently in jail, you're more than likely to end up there too. No matter how hard you try not to, you make small compromises until you come to the end of the road that you didn't want to be on in the first place.

There's good news here though. It's dissociation. You see, you can eliminate those people who compromise your integrity and value. You can choose to find positive and uplifting people who would rather see you excel versus fail. Hanging around with people who go to jail like it's the grocery store are not the people you want in your main circle of influence if you're trying to get out of jail. It's people who are doing well in life and have stability that you want to get around.

I hear from people frequently that they're not happy and that life always seems to be full of unnecessary drama. Then I take a deeper look at their association and I see people of similar mindset playing the biggest role on their own attitude. Even more interesting is that they have tons of positive people on the fringe, just waiting for things to break to sweep in and save the day. If they just moved those people to their closest circle, they'd be so surprised how quickly their lifestyle would change. SO surprised. I was. I am a testimony to that. I never had a friend in jail, but I had friendships and relationships that compromised my core identity and I didn't get rid of them, but I dissociated with it. It's been a wonderful transition for me that has given me a fresh start. Every day since April 26th of this year I've woken up with purpose. Woken up with value. Woken up feeling wanted and loved and desired. It's remarkable...

If this relates, check your association closely. Stick with the ones who build you up, let go of the ones that break you down.

Doesn't it hurt...?

Doesn't it hurt when you come to the realization you invested so much in something, so much into a relationship with someone...

and you come to find that you don't make the grade. That you don't make the final cut. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, but the more I really grasp it, the more I think about how much I make this person a priority, not because I have to, but because I want to, and how they don't even consider me a part of their friends and good times. It honestly hurts me. I feel like crying insanely hard right now. I probably will later on just so I don't feel so tense and bottled up. Seriously though. This person says one thing, we have GREAT times, and I'm not even associated in their life outside our friendship.

It really, REALLY, hurts. I guess you learn the hard way sometimes. I love my connection with this person more than anything but it is worth it if I don't feel like I'm actually valued?

I don't want anything more than a solid friendship, a phone call, a true thank you for continually making my schedule mold to theirs, and genuine appreciation. It's not hard. It's a simple investment of a little bit of time. I just don't understand.

I'm not selfish, I'm just standing up for what I believe should be a decent friendship. I don't feel like it truly is. It's even got me thinking a horrible thought. That thought is right now I'm awfully close to leaving my opportunity because of it. My opportunity has become my passion and I really really want to see it grow, to see me grow, but I don't know how when the person who is supposed to be there with/for me the most, doesn't see me as what I thought they did.

I'm breaking down.