Hijacked.

In a way I feel like the me that I have been for the past year has been hijacked. Now, before you get all up in arms about it like I wanted to, you have to know this...

I was dying to be hijacked. I was dying to be intercepted. I was dying for a change in course.

This hijacking wasn't like a normal hijacking. It was quiet, well thought out, sneaky, and bold all in the same breath. A normal hijacking is loud, quick, and intricate. I woke up on Tuesday morning and realized that I had in fact been totally taken over.

Who are the hijackers? It's these beautifully constructed bottles. Some with real artistic quality. However, I'm looking at the beautiful liquids on the inside of these bottles. The life that they have given me is the one that I was deeply missing. The spontaneous, crazy, and down right exciting life. That said with everything must come balance. I haven't been balancing it lately. I've been hopping from one party to the next. One club run to the next. On bar scene to the next. I'm becoming the girl who finally feels comfortable in her own skin. No, it's not the alcohol that does it. Yes, it is the shot of tequila I have coming through the door that does.

Now, before you all call me alcoholic and stupid. Get it straight. I'm not. No, that's not denial that's straight up truth. Yes, sometimes I stumble out on the street so incoherent that I can't even talk. The fact of the matter is. I am not waking up regretting my decisions. I'm not waking up doubting my character. I'm not waking up concerned about who to be and what role in the world to play. Finally I'm allowed to be myself. I haven't been able to do that for years. You know, be me. Finding that balance between who I am and who I want to be. It's extremely nice. So what if I do come out of a club so drunk I can barely walk? I don't believe it's compromising my integrity, my life goals, or my ability to be the change I wish to see in this world. I don't believe it compromises my relationship with Christ. I believe in fact it has strengthened the loosed bonds I've been suffering with lately. How? Because I see people who truly don't have purpose walk from bar to bar, just begging for someone to give them a reason to live. I have my reasons to live. I have my reasons to breathe. I'd just forgotten that.

Will I stop partying? Doubtful. Will club runs become less frequent? Not likely. Will bar nights happen less? No. Why? Because they are my chance to let myself be myself in an environment where other people are looking to be themselves and looking for people who will accept them for the person who they are. Which is what we all really want isn't it? Isn't it?

I am so thankful I've been hijacked.