Listen Up.

Over the last few months, I've really been stuck. Hesitant. Almost guilty...

I keep going back to it, but the writing isn't happening. I can sit on blank page now and truly not be able to put anything down on it. I'm sad about it because now I'm beginning to figure out why.

I'm absolutely and completely torn away from my faith right now in a lot of ways. Carelessly I've let the ties that bind me to my true happiness and true faithfulness fall apart like crumbled sidewalk after a flash flood. I see a lot of the old habits that destroyed me creeping back into my life. Not brashly, not abrasively mind you. They're coming back intricately, seemingly invisible for the most part. The thing is, I don't see it until after it's effectively placed itself into my hands and my realm of influence and my life.

I do know after my conversation with a brilliant mind, on what could only be defined as a perfect date, I am filled with a lot of hope, a lot of joy, and a lot of work. He broke me out of the cage I was building around myself. Well, with God as the Commander of course. The talk brought out a few very specific needs that I have.

I need to go back to church. I need to limit how much, or specifically, where I go out and who I go out with. I need to trust my initial heart about things more. I need to run from what compromises my heart and my goal in this life. I need to put God back into my life. Not just as a section of my beliefs, but as the encompassing being that I direct my life to and through.

I have met some extraordinary people within the last month. Extraordinary. Yet, they're not extraordinary how I need them to be. They have that pretty smile, but they have an empty heart. They call me back, yet have nothing to teach me. I need the people around me to feed me, to encourage me, to challenge me, to embrace my faults. Not run when they find out something about me that doesn't vibe with them.

I've also been evaluating the core group of friends I have. Some are clearly good. Some are clearly not. Some I've had trouble deciphering up until tonights amazing conversation...

I need to feel the deluge of God reigning all around me again. That's really what I need. It will help clear up my doubts, answer my questions and let me move forward back into the path that I'm supposed to be on.

Listen up God, your daughter's crying. Can you hear her? She wants You back in her heart. Help her? Listen up. She's bleeding faith upon Your altar ready for her course to alter. Listen up.