Falling free
Offering all of me
Falling free
Head first into majesty
It's not who I was, but
It's who I am and it's
All because of the Lamb
Whose blood came to redeem
So I lift up my voice and
I proudly proclaim
That I follow the lead
of Him, Most Holy
and I'm falling...
Falling free...
Offering all of me
Falling free
Head first into majesty
Sunday, November 30
Friday, November 28
Mystery Part V
I’m sitting here listening to a song that I so profoundly remember. Not because of its intricate beauty and cascading melody lines. Not because of the true depth of lyrics and carefully interwoven emotionally driven piano playing. I remember this song because of the moment I go back to, and the way God worked at my heart at that very moment...
We’re approaching the holiday season pretty quickly and that’s where this moment lies. It was the very first night of the Living Christmas Tree that my wonderful church used to put on during the holiday season. The purpose of the week long set of performances was to give the community a place to either remember the gospel that saved them, experience the gospel for the first time, join in fellowship, or find that first friend. Anyways, I was on the prayer team for the entire event, which actually started sometime in early October, if not September. Being on that prayer team transformed my prayer life. There was about eight of us. I was the youngest by twenty years, and the rest of them were “seasoned veterans” as I called them at the time. They all had rituals that inspired me, they had passion on their tongue that I craved to have. For the week prior to the performances I remember praying for revelation and revolution a lot. Little did I know what was coming my way that first night...
The acting was excellent, the humor was perfect, the gravity of the gospel prominently displayed, and then came the moment. A single male vocalist walks onto a darkened stage with fog gently rolling at his toes. Out comes the words that would beg my mind to begin to wrap itself around something it could not...
“Mystery, how He came
To be a man
But greater still
How His death was in His plan
God predestined that His Son would die
And He still created man
Oh, what love is this
That His death was in His hands”
This is mystery defined in a solitary minute in our world’s deep and intricate history. It was the first real thing that God challenged my heart with. I can not even fathom the heart of God for me. I can not even write on the pages of this journal just the depth of Christ’s love for me...
God, the Father, my Creator, my Author, my great Commander, my Adonai. He created me with a purpose in mind and He sent His Son in my name to make my path clear. He paved the way for my success with the generations before me. He planned my greatness before my grandparents had even thought about conceiving my parents who in turn thought of conceiving me. He watched His very own Son day in and day out taking cruel jokes and being physically abused and eventually sent up on the cross so that I may see each of my new days...
Jesus Christ, my Friend, my Savior, my Lord. He, day in and day out struggled for acceptance so that I may be accepted. It’s a mystery. He is bigger than my vocabulary. He is stronger than all the men on this earth. He is more wonderful than I can find the time to write. He died for me. People say that they’d take a bullet for you, but, Jesus, He took a lifetime of bullets for me, and He didn’t even begin to run away.
This is my mystery. My deeply structured mystery. Quite honestly, the more I think about it, the more and more deep it becomes, especially when you think about the fact that He’s coming back again to really shake things up.
We’re approaching the holiday season pretty quickly and that’s where this moment lies. It was the very first night of the Living Christmas Tree that my wonderful church used to put on during the holiday season. The purpose of the week long set of performances was to give the community a place to either remember the gospel that saved them, experience the gospel for the first time, join in fellowship, or find that first friend. Anyways, I was on the prayer team for the entire event, which actually started sometime in early October, if not September. Being on that prayer team transformed my prayer life. There was about eight of us. I was the youngest by twenty years, and the rest of them were “seasoned veterans” as I called them at the time. They all had rituals that inspired me, they had passion on their tongue that I craved to have. For the week prior to the performances I remember praying for revelation and revolution a lot. Little did I know what was coming my way that first night...
The acting was excellent, the humor was perfect, the gravity of the gospel prominently displayed, and then came the moment. A single male vocalist walks onto a darkened stage with fog gently rolling at his toes. Out comes the words that would beg my mind to begin to wrap itself around something it could not...
“Mystery, how He came
To be a man
But greater still
How His death was in His plan
God predestined that His Son would die
And He still created man
Oh, what love is this
That His death was in His hands”
This is mystery defined in a solitary minute in our world’s deep and intricate history. It was the first real thing that God challenged my heart with. I can not even fathom the heart of God for me. I can not even write on the pages of this journal just the depth of Christ’s love for me...
God, the Father, my Creator, my Author, my great Commander, my Adonai. He created me with a purpose in mind and He sent His Son in my name to make my path clear. He paved the way for my success with the generations before me. He planned my greatness before my grandparents had even thought about conceiving my parents who in turn thought of conceiving me. He watched His very own Son day in and day out taking cruel jokes and being physically abused and eventually sent up on the cross so that I may see each of my new days...
Jesus Christ, my Friend, my Savior, my Lord. He, day in and day out struggled for acceptance so that I may be accepted. It’s a mystery. He is bigger than my vocabulary. He is stronger than all the men on this earth. He is more wonderful than I can find the time to write. He died for me. People say that they’d take a bullet for you, but, Jesus, He took a lifetime of bullets for me, and He didn’t even begin to run away.
This is my mystery. My deeply structured mystery. Quite honestly, the more I think about it, the more and more deep it becomes, especially when you think about the fact that He’s coming back again to really shake things up.
Tuesday, November 25
Mystery Part IV
The human nature is sadly selfish. The mystery is how we choose to live it when we know this is true. I know that this is true, yet I still, no matter how selfless I pass a smile to a stranger, get some small boost in my own soul. That's the human condition.
I try consciously not to let that manifest into a full bloom ego trip. Yet so many others choose to let that manifestation occur...
In other news, my heart is open on a while new playing field today. My old wounds aren't affecting me and my present and future have me excited. That said I may have slipped back into my depression a little bit again. I don't necessarily like it, but it's where I learn a lot, and find that some of my best writings and thoughts happen. I'm hopeful that my open heart and open eyes are keys to the desperate writing my hand has been begging to do. Begging.
Seeking sunrises lately has seemed more a burden than a reward, yet I will continue to do so because He has called me to do so. Through these sunrises I am hoping to gain so many perspectives on the human condition. Through these sunrises I am hoping to gain so may perspectives on my own personal condition. See exactly where I stand after the dust settles.
I try consciously not to let that manifest into a full bloom ego trip. Yet so many others choose to let that manifestation occur...
In other news, my heart is open on a while new playing field today. My old wounds aren't affecting me and my present and future have me excited. That said I may have slipped back into my depression a little bit again. I don't necessarily like it, but it's where I learn a lot, and find that some of my best writings and thoughts happen. I'm hopeful that my open heart and open eyes are keys to the desperate writing my hand has been begging to do. Begging.
Seeking sunrises lately has seemed more a burden than a reward, yet I will continue to do so because He has called me to do so. Through these sunrises I am hoping to gain so many perspectives on the human condition. Through these sunrises I am hoping to gain so may perspectives on my own personal condition. See exactly where I stand after the dust settles.
Friday, November 21
Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)
It's a beautiful reality in which we live. Granted it has become polluted, corrupted and damaged deeply. That said, I still believe it's beautiful. Why? Because the human condition is so unique and so individual even between siblings raised of the same parents. Even deeper, my brother and I have been raised by the same schools, been to the same places, experienced the same things, yet we're so different. I know that individuality is programmed into our beings, but you would expect that with so many variables the same that we'd at least turn out somewhat similar. Truth is, we're on opposite paradigms. Bigger truth, it's totally cool. He lives so differently from me, yet maintains great morals, has high hopes for himself, and he loves unconditionally. It's really cool that I get to learn from him day in and day out. I love him.
Anyways, as I've begun to process exactly how sick my grandfather is, the more thankful and appreciative I become that I've been given so much time with him. I just pray that he lives a strong, wonderful, love-filled life up until his final breath. I pray that this brings the family into closeness. I pray that this fills the holes and that the grudges get left in the dust. I pray for unconditional wisdom in the doctors and surgeons and whoever lays a hand medically into his life. I pray they live in His will. I pray that he lives in His will. I pray for my Nana. I just pray.
Anyways, as I've begun to process exactly how sick my grandfather is, the more thankful and appreciative I become that I've been given so much time with him. I just pray that he lives a strong, wonderful, love-filled life up until his final breath. I pray that this brings the family into closeness. I pray that this fills the holes and that the grudges get left in the dust. I pray for unconditional wisdom in the doctors and surgeons and whoever lays a hand medically into his life. I pray they live in His will. I pray that he lives in His will. I pray for my Nana. I just pray.
Tuesday, November 18
Stop the music
Well, not really, but that is the title of this piece of work I've just done up...
-- Stop the Music --
Stop the music, let our God sing
Over all of creation, it's His majesty
Pause the song, let our God cry out
Over every tribe and nation
Let His love for us rain down like torrential rain
Get caught up in His deep, deep grace.
Sitting here in a room painted blue
I can't help but notice the painful truth
Looking upon our generation so confused
Singing the songs, the fallen songs, I will refuse...
To ignore the whisper...
Then I will respond to the call...
And then... I'll tell the world
Stop the music, let our God sing
Over all of creation, it's His majesty
Pause the song, let our God cry out
Over every tribe and nation
Let His love for us rain down like torrential rain
Get caught up in His deep, deep grace.
Clicking through the radio one day
Trying to grasp just what the world wants to say
Lyrics full of things His heart breaks for
I can't help but the think...
What if I showed love instead of ignored...
That faint little voice on my heart
That feeling that tells me to awaken...
To start... I will shout...
Stop the music, let our God sing
Over all of creation, it's His majesty
Pause the song, let our God cry out
Over every tribe and nation
Let His love for us rain down like torrential rain
Get caught up in His deep, deep grace.
Looking at the sunrise, I hear this little whisper
It's Him telling everyone near and far to...
Stop the music, let me your God sing
Over all of creation, it's my majesty
Pause the song, let me your God cry out
Over every tribe and nation
Let my love for you rain down like a torrential rain
Get caught up in my deep, deep grace...
Get caught up in my deep, deep grace...
Get caught up in my deep...
Deep...
Grace
-- Stop the Music --
Stop the music, let our God sing
Over all of creation, it's His majesty
Pause the song, let our God cry out
Over every tribe and nation
Let His love for us rain down like torrential rain
Get caught up in His deep, deep grace.
Sitting here in a room painted blue
I can't help but notice the painful truth
Looking upon our generation so confused
Singing the songs, the fallen songs, I will refuse...
To ignore the whisper...
Then I will respond to the call...
And then... I'll tell the world
Stop the music, let our God sing
Over all of creation, it's His majesty
Pause the song, let our God cry out
Over every tribe and nation
Let His love for us rain down like torrential rain
Get caught up in His deep, deep grace.
Clicking through the radio one day
Trying to grasp just what the world wants to say
Lyrics full of things His heart breaks for
I can't help but the think...
What if I showed love instead of ignored...
That faint little voice on my heart
That feeling that tells me to awaken...
To start... I will shout...
Stop the music, let our God sing
Over all of creation, it's His majesty
Pause the song, let our God cry out
Over every tribe and nation
Let His love for us rain down like torrential rain
Get caught up in His deep, deep grace.
Looking at the sunrise, I hear this little whisper
It's Him telling everyone near and far to...
Stop the music, let me your God sing
Over all of creation, it's my majesty
Pause the song, let me your God cry out
Over every tribe and nation
Let my love for you rain down like a torrential rain
Get caught up in my deep, deep grace...
Get caught up in my deep, deep grace...
Get caught up in my deep...
Deep...
Grace
Monday, November 17
RE//birth
This past weekend has been somewhat of a roller coaster. The full summary is in the works but here's what's been laid upon my heart as of right now and I'd like to write it down before it leaves...
My grandfather has been diagnosed with serious cancer. I believe in miracles, and I'm leaning into Him for the strength I need. I'm trying to get my family there too.
On the other hand, I was at my annual Christian Musician Summit this past weekend and it was exceptionally brilliant. That's where that summary I'm talking about is going to come from...
Anyways, I'd had quite the dry songwriting stretch up until I re-opened my heart and my eyes a little bit... Here's what came from it, mind you, it's still not complete or done, but here's what my heart poured onto the page.
-- Consuming Love ---
Captivated by Your consuming love
I just wanna be close to You
Inspired by Your unending grace
I just wanna follow Your way
What you did when you died for me
Has unveiled my eyes and now I see...
That Your love reaches to the heavens
Your grace touches the sky
That Your mercy falls to the ground
like rain And Your truth abounds
----
My grandfather has been diagnosed with serious cancer. I believe in miracles, and I'm leaning into Him for the strength I need. I'm trying to get my family there too.
On the other hand, I was at my annual Christian Musician Summit this past weekend and it was exceptionally brilliant. That's where that summary I'm talking about is going to come from...
Anyways, I'd had quite the dry songwriting stretch up until I re-opened my heart and my eyes a little bit... Here's what came from it, mind you, it's still not complete or done, but here's what my heart poured onto the page.
-- Consuming Love ---
Captivated by Your consuming love
I just wanna be close to You
Inspired by Your unending grace
I just wanna follow Your way
What you did when you died for me
Has unveiled my eyes and now I see...
That Your love reaches to the heavens
Your grace touches the sky
That Your mercy falls to the ground
like rain And Your truth abounds
----
Monday, November 10
Family
Today my mother and I had a rare hour to ourselves. I had the best time. We just had a quick lunch and a deep conversation, but that's why I love it. She challenges my faith in God but not because she doesn't believe, but because she believes differently. As I was sitting biting my way through my chicken wrap, she dropped a faith bomb on me today.
It went something like this: "Amanda, God doesn't provide for you solely and everytime, He gives you the tools to think for yourself while you trust in Him."
To put it simply, I'd forgotten this. I love this, I crave lessons like this. Simple deliveries, but powerful aftershocks that make me really dig deep into who He is. The more I've been digging though, the more I realize just how limitless He has created His living legacy.
I love my mom. I love her with more of my heart each and every day.
It went something like this: "Amanda, God doesn't provide for you solely and everytime, He gives you the tools to think for yourself while you trust in Him."
To put it simply, I'd forgotten this. I love this, I crave lessons like this. Simple deliveries, but powerful aftershocks that make me really dig deep into who He is. The more I've been digging though, the more I realize just how limitless He has created His living legacy.
I love my mom. I love her with more of my heart each and every day.
Wednesday, November 5
Moving forward...
Yesterday.
November 4th, 2008. It was a Tuesday. At 8:03 PM they officially named Barack Obama as president-elect. At 8:23 PM John McCain took his well decorated stage and conceded his race. At 9:00 PM, Barack Obama made his acceptance speech. As soon as that speech concluded, the next four years have become extremely interesting. I am eager to see what God has in store for my great nation. There's a reason for everything. I am going to pray like I have never prayed before and I mean that literally. I have never prayed for the leader of my country. I will do so, and I will do it very often. I have never been more unsure of the future, but I know that God has His hand in everything and that Barack Obama has been placed in the place he is in for a very specific reason.
I am nervously excited for the next four years.
November 4th, 2008. It was a Tuesday. At 8:03 PM they officially named Barack Obama as president-elect. At 8:23 PM John McCain took his well decorated stage and conceded his race. At 9:00 PM, Barack Obama made his acceptance speech. As soon as that speech concluded, the next four years have become extremely interesting. I am eager to see what God has in store for my great nation. There's a reason for everything. I am going to pray like I have never prayed before and I mean that literally. I have never prayed for the leader of my country. I will do so, and I will do it very often. I have never been more unsure of the future, but I know that God has His hand in everything and that Barack Obama has been placed in the place he is in for a very specific reason.
I am nervously excited for the next four years.
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