From the vault: November 18th, 2008
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Today has become a monumental day. With the sunrise I forgave two people we have burned me. The first person I forgave was, well, myself. I forgave myself for letting his words come so easily, for letting his actions so deeply control mine, for waiting on the text message or phone call that never came, for letting myself fall in love with someone who isn't reciprocating it back at all.
Then, I forgave him for leading me on and for intentionally playing cards he knew it was not okay to play.
That said, it was not his fault that I fell in love, but it is his fault for not doing a better job to protect my heart. I would not think that anybody could see me devotion, but the one person who I wanted so badly to see it, did not.
I do not get why some days are so good with him but some days are so, so, so bad. So bad that I do not even want to be associated with him, but that is the problem. Slowly, people have started assuming that we are inseparable and it does not help that I think about him, still, every other minute of the day.
Now that I am moving forward and leaving my association with him, a new, vastly different pain has emerged from within the deepest parts of my soul. That pain being the pain of saying... goodbye.
2 comments:
never stop loving, no matter how deep the pain of a broken heart is, yes it was a choice to love and it's so hurt that sometimes we are afraid of getting hurt again so we try to build unhealthy wall to guard our heart from hurting again by choosing not to trust again, not to love again etc.. we have so much love to give. we were born to love again and again... love can break the heart and only love can repair it if we forgive, let go and let God!
good for you that you were able to forgave :-) i like that
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