Jason Upton's lyrics are blazing through my headphones right now... They go like this:
--
Not Ashamed
Jesus I long to be holy
Jesus I long to be real
In a world of broken people
So many need to be healed
Purify my hands to hold them
Purify my heart to burn with devotion
For You, Lord Jesus, for You
I’m not ashamed of Jesus
My Lord my Lover my Friend
The power to cleanse and redeem us
Is in the blood of the Lamb
Oh how the mighty have fallen
Buried in their filthy rags
Father please turn from your anger
My lips will boast of your ways
Cause, it’s all in the blood of the savior
It’s all in the love that you have for You’re son
And I believe, in Jesus, I believe
--
Over the last few days this song has hit me particularly hard. I haven't been affected by a song so deeply in forever. It's awesome to know that my emotional side is definitely coming back. I'm feeling again. Granted, some of the feelings I'm feeling are clearly unfortunate, I do believe that I'm feeling them because I need to come back to my Jesus. I've not been the best lately. Like, really. I've made the turn around, but yes, not the best. At this moment I feel so unworthy of God's love. At this moment, I feel like I don't deserve any of the gifts I've received. Yet, His grace is within me. To Him, I give my future. As long as it may last. I need to, I have to, I'm dying with out Him. Dying. I cling to Him. I should never have run.
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